Cosmopolitan South Africa — January 2018

NN

K

MOSTOFUSGOTTAUGHTABOUTCONDOMS

AND HIV/AIDS DURING SEX ED AT SCHOOL.

BUTHOWMANYOFUSGOTTAUGHTABOUT

CONSENT:WHATITMEANS,WHYITMATTERS,

AND HOW TO GIVE IT (OR REFUSE IT)?

SINCE THE EXPLOSION OF #METOO,

THERE’S NEVER BEEN A MORE IMPORTANT

TIME TO DISCUSS CONSENT THAN NOW

BY BUSANG SENNE

EVER BEEN CATCALLED

WHILE YOU WALKED HOME,

ANDFELTINTIMIDATED,

OBJECTIFIED AND AFRAID?

#MeToo.Everhadaguyput

hishandonyourshoulder,

seeminglyharmlessly,but

felt your hair stand on end

and a chill run down your

spine? #MeToo. Ever had

your butt slapped while you

waitedatabar,oryourknee

groped on public transport?

#MeToo.Wewerevictims

of sexual assault; none of

us gave our consent.

According to the Criminal

Law (Sexual Offences and

Related Matters) Amendment

Actof2007,sexualassault

is defined as ‘a person who

unlawfully and intentionally

sexually violates [you] without

[your] consent’. The same Act

definesconsentas‘voluntary

or un-coerced agreement’.

Alackofconsentincludes

being ‘subjected to a sexual

act as a result of force or

intimidation ... a threat

ofharm,wherethereisan

abuseofpowerorauthority

...oranunwillingnessto

participate...’ as well as

‘where the sexual act is

committed under false

pretences or by fraudulent

means’ or ‘where [you] are

incapableofappreciating

thenatureofthesexualact,

including if [you] are asleep,

unconscious, in an altered

state of consciousness

including under the influence

of any medicine, drug or

alcohol...’ The problem?

Consent is being defined

here largely in terms of

traditional sexual activity.

What about the unwanted

gropes and butt-grabbing?

Consentisalsoalarmingly

misunderstood. A recent

study by the National

Sexual Violence Resource

Center found that there is

stillsignificantdisparity

between women and men

as to what is recognised as

sexual misconduct. ‘In each

category, 18-to-34-year-olds

are less likely than older

adults, and men are less

likely than women, to view

an action as sexual assault,’

the study stated. This gap is

the largest when we look at

how men and women view

voyeurism, sexual coercion

and verbal harassment.

Anda2015Washington

Postpoll found that one

in five university students

considers consent to mean

the absence of saying ‘no’.

Butwhathappensifyou

can’tsayno,oraren’teven

in the position to say no in

thefirstplace–forexample

if someone shouts at you

whileyouwalkalongthe

street? We’re not taught

that if we don’t give

our consent toanytype

of attention, we’re being

assaulted. And men aren’t

taught that if they perpetuate

this kind of behaviour, they

areguiltyofassault.

It’s clear that archaic

ideas of consent aren’t

good enough – something

social media confirmed via

#WhatConsentMeansToMe,

the hashtag that followed its

explosive older sister #MeToo

last year. The allegations

againstHarveyWeinstein

inOctobergavetheworld

arealitycheckonhowlittle

weactuallyknowaboutthe

importance of giving and

askingforconsent–notto

mention how poor men are

at engaging in this dialogue.

Dozens of women broke

decades of silence to call out

the Hollywood exec who’d

sexually assaulted them,

from unsolicited massages

torape.Formost,itwas

thefirsttimetheyspoke

about it. The allegations

kick-started the online

movementof#MeTooand

thehashtagsthatfollowed.

ADVICE

COSMOPOLITAN.CO.ZA JANUARY 2018 | COSMOPOLITAN 47