SOME OF THE CONVERSATIONS THAT
HAPPENED BECAUSE OF MY ORGANIC
ROUTINE OF WALK-DRINK-TALK:A lady in London once told me in
awkwardly plentiful detail why she had
divorced six husbands and may divorce
her seventh. “He could only get it up
on Tuesdays.”A lady in Port Elizabeth told me the story
of how her son got carjacked in a car that
was running on an empty tank. It let the
hapless thieves stranded 20 metres
down the road.An old Bhutanese man confessed to
me that the secret to his longevity
was beer and walking.A bartender in New York boasted to me
that Academy Award-winning actor
Adrien Brody had visited his bar the
previous week, and the real Adrien Brody
turned around on one of the stools and
said,“No,Ididn’t.” True story.my manager and my wife—
two separate ladies though I’m
not sure whom I speak with
more—are convinced that
I do shows in certain cities
only to walk there as opposed
to making money. They’re
right. If you’re an organiser
reading this, please note:
walking infl ates my self-worth
like a bank account never will.
I was recently in London for
a show, and I was booked in a
hotel where the breakfast buff et
was not free. There are many
unforgivable sins on earth:
murder, religious violence,racism, sexism, etc. But a non-
complimentary breakfast buff et
is highly underrated; it would
be No. 85 if I were to make that
list. At No. 84 would be people
who enjoy EDM (electronic
dance music).
Hence, I had a stern word
with the concierge of the non-
complimentary-breakfast-
serving London hotel.
“Hey,soIhavetopayfor
the breakfast buffet?”
“Yes, sir. It’s £30.”
“Ah!”
“If I were you, I’d pop out to
the pub for a pint. Nothing like
a Guinness in the morning. It’s
a good walk and good weather,
which can change. Coffee, beer,
and barley—the complete
breakfast.”
Every person needs a guru.
That unnamed concierge
was mine. I walked a few
kilometres, had a pint for
breakfast, walked a few more
kilometres, had a pint, and
repeated the process till I
reached my hotel room, high
on the never-ending ‘breakfast’
of Stout and walking. I had
covered over 30 kilometres
with my body functioning
as a Tesla and beer as my
renewable energy. Elon Musk
himself smiled at me at one
point. Maybe.
I’ve repeated this formula
in multiple cities. It’s my
favourite thing. Go to a
walking city, walk, drink, talk
to random strangers, and
repeat till it’s time for bed. The
beer helps me loosen up, and
the walking helps me release
happy endorphins.
I like mountains and treks
and hikes as much as the next
guy with a Fitbit. But cities
that allow you to walk are
my favourite destinations.
You can’t fi nd a pub with
apple cider on the top of most
mountains. (But I must let the
world know that the best apple
cider I’ve ever had is made by
HPMC in Himachal Pradesh.In your face, United Kingdom!)
And thus, my favourite cities
in the world are: New York
(cliché), London (cliché: the
sequel), Singapore (cliché:
Asian release), Toronto (cliché:
Punjabi subtitles), and Shimla
(not just for the cider).
You can keep your guided
tours, monuments, and
religious sites; all I need is a
non-polluted city with pleasant
weather that doesn’t treat
pedestrians like they’re target
practice for vehicles. I’d advise
you to enjoy these walkingcities while you still can. With
pollution levels rising globally,
such cities may be rarer than
the polar bear by 2022.
P.S. I have been trying to
get my hands on that HPMC
apple cider again for years!
If you have liked reading this
article, please buy me some
and/or organise a show for me
in Shimla. I’m only half-joking,
of course.Pant’s latest standup special,
Make India Great Again, is nowSHUTTERSTOCK out on Amazon Prime Video.
Mountain treks
are popular with
fi tness freaks.London is one of Pant’s
favourite cities to walk in.travelandleisureindia.in