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Reveal or Conceal?
and throwing it into the fire pit. Looking back upon my own experi-
ences, I can see, feel, taste, touch, and hear the Sundances I attended
and those in which I participated. The beating of a drum or the smell
of burning sweetgrass or sweet pine immediately conjures the expe-
rience of enduring days without food or water: the relentless prairie
sun burning my skin, the physical pain of long hours dancing, singing,
and sweating under those conditions. The social pleasures of friend-
ship and shared suffering combined with the intense spiritual joy of
prayer and thanksgiving. The “gift” of simple respite and rest at the
end of the day and the delight of reuniting with family members em-
bedded in my marrow. A chance meeting with another Sundancer au-
tomatically unites us in joy, pain, and suffering. I know these people
and they know me with an uncommon intensity. Without this first-
hand experience of a new way of being (new for me, not for the Kai-
nai), I could not have contemplated the potential contributions of ec-
stasis as an epistemological tool.
Ecstasis moved my conception of the Kainai and the Sundance to
a more widely inclusive plane, a holistic or unified level that encom-
passes all aspects of myself and of the people (the Kainai and others),
including our joint and several histories, our mutual and individ-
ual experiences, and our expedient and common needs, desires, and
goals. There is no loss of “self” or “objectivity” in this, but rather an
enrichment of self and other. I now have a deep appreciation of the
spiritual, emotional, psychological, and physical similarities and dif-
ferences between us that, rather than obscure, actually clarify and ex-
plicate a common humanity. As a result, I appreciate and carry with
me, always, the social and emotional weight of such a commitment
to myself, my family, my Sundance brothers and sisters, the leaders,
and the community (especially the elderly, the sick, and the disabled).
I fully appreciate at an embodied level what it means to suffer and to
give fully of oneself on behalf of others.
Similarly, I have a firsthand appreciation of the true measure of such
a pledge, including both its gifts and the heavy cost of suffering it de-
mands. I can access, utilize, interpret, and apply meanings to intui-
tive and aesthetic materials, which I could not comprehend before,
and am able to dream in a familiar and culturally authorized idiom,
