Anahí Viladrichmen in New York City frequently ask women to dance either ver-
bally or by approaching them, thus making their invitation so obvi-
ous that the wink often becomes an accessory, the sort of: “Hey, you
cannot miss my wink, so I am asking you to dance with me, whether
you like it or not.”
Nevertheless, anywhere, in Tokyo, London, New York, or Buenos
Aires, the mainstream (and heterosexual) tango etiquette stipulates
that women will behave as spectators of the male gaze and therefore
will patiently wait to be asked to step out onto the dance floor. This
passive role, which is shared by women in most ballroom scenes, not
only places women at a disadvantage, as they are the ones being sought
and chosen, but also makes them noticeable and exposed to social
scrutiny and judgment, particularly if they remain seated for a long
time. This is especially so if they are asked to dance mostly by inex-
perienced men. In addition, women’s reputation as good milongueras
is at stake not only when dancing but even more so when “wallflow-
ering” (which literally means to stand by the wall waiting to be cho-
sen), thus secretly testing their appeal to be desired by potential tango
partners (see Savigliano 2003 ).^3
During the initial period when I was still trying to negotiate with
myself on what role to undertake, I secretly experienced conflicting
feelings: Would I reluctantly submit to the unwritten consensual bat-
tle of the sexes for gaining entry onto the dance floor, and eventually
overcome the potential threat of remaining a wallflower for good?
Would I risk my neutral perspective and leave my protective role as
an outsider to turn into one of them? Would I be sucked into “drac-
ulizing” myself to live at night? Would I use the days as a passing ac-
tivity until the next tango evening finally arrived, as I knew other an-
thropologists did? My answer to these questions was to differentiate
myself from the dancing crowd (rather than identifying myself with
it), as revealed in the following notes:
I need this physical, emotional and symbolic distance from them.
No hands embracing me, no risk of falling into the tango fever
that becomes enacted via the neurotic repetition of tango figures
and steps. Being away from the tango floor has been my way of
differentiating myself from them, of making clearer to them (and