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Reveal or Conceal?
to lose her footing. Elena spent several days on life support in the hos-
pital, where she underwent surgeries to reduce and contain the swell-
ing of her brain. Ultimately, the damage proved too extensive. Tragi-
cally, Elena passed quietly a few weeks after Easter Sunday.
Why do I tell this story? Oddly, it represents my first step on the path
toward the Sundance. My family was terribly shaken by the incident,
and we all attended victim counseling, though for different lengths
of time. After the initial visit, I refused to return, reasoning that I had
had a moment with Elena, and, consequently, had a sense of closure
the others lacked. I was determined to deal with the situation in my
own way. Weeks later, however, I was still very distressed. Should I
contact Elena’s parents to express my condolences? I felt I should tell
them she had called for her mother. However, I vacillated too long,
missed the funeral, and then felt that to contact them would only in-
trude on their grief and increase their pain. For weeks I thought of lit-
tle else. Other than brief attendances at classes, I remained at home
most of the time.
Several weeks later, believing it would do me some good to get out
of the house, my husband encouraged me to attend an archaeologi-
cal field trip that I had previously scheduled. The purpose of the tour
was to view a number of ancient Native pictographs, either carved
or drawn on the rock walls of the hills above Kelowna. The highlight
of the tour was to be a visit to a promontory overlooking Okanagan
Lake, which local Native legends maintained had been a former sa-
cred site used for vision quests and healing rituals. More than any-
thing else, that is what appealed to me. On the morning of the tour,
not yet prepared to be social, I decided to walk alone. As I did so, I no-
ticed a Native woman who was slowly falling behind the group. She
appeared to be struggling to breathe, held one hand over her chest,
and stopped frequently to rest. I slowed my pace, hoping she would
catch up and, when she did, we introduced ourselves. Her name was
Gloria. A little embarrassed, Gloria indicated she had been watch-
ing me (much to my chagrin!) and believed that I was “troubled” or
“suffering.” I explained how impressed I was that she had perceived
anything at all, as I thought I had done a good job of concealing it.
