The Times - UK (2022-05-28)

38 Saturday May 28 2022 | the times

News

Curators at the Natural History

Museum are staying diplomatic in an

argument over the correct way to pro-

nounce diplodocus as Dippy, the

nation’s favourite dinosaur, returns to

the institution after a four-year tour.

Britons opt for “dip-low-dough-kus”

and Americans tend to elide the last

three syllables to give “dip-lodicus”.

Professor Paul Barrett, the museum’s

head of fossil vertebrates, said that

growing up he “always said diplo-docus,

and if you read kids books of that age,

that’s what the pronunciation tells you.

But I’ve been corrected by my transat-

lantic colleagues, and they don’t under-

stand me when I say it the British way,

so I’ve had to become functionally bi-

lingual in using the American version.”

The museum says the correct pro-

nunciation is dip-low-dock-us, because

the name combines two Greek words

— diplos (double) and dokos (beam).

Dippy, a cast of a diplodocus skeleton,

was given to the museum in 1905. It will

be on show from May 27 to January 2.

My Week Sue Gray*

Monday

1. This week I am to deliver my report
   into Alleged Gatherings On
   Government Premises During Covid
   Restrictions.


2. Alleged!


3. Come on.


4. Unfortunately, there is controversy
   about a work meeting I held with the
   prime minister.


5. We weren’t pissed.
   6. Like, it was a real work meeting.
   7. Honestly I swear.
   8. But if asked to conduct a new
   report to establish that then I will do
   so.
   9. Although please God don’t make
   me because I think I’d go literally
   mad.
   10. At this meeting, anyway, it is
   alleged that the PM asked me to drop
   my aforementioned report.
   11. Although he says he didn’t.
   12. And some people are saying there
   should be a further report into that.
   13. And my basic point is that my life
   is hell right now.
   14. I hope you appreciate that.

Tuesday

15. “Sue Gray is a person of
    unimpeachable integrity,” they say.


16. “I have worked with Sue Gray,”

they say, “and there are no flies on

her.”

17. Seriously, who even are all these
    people?


18. I don’t remember meeting any of
    them.


19. Anyway, I’m just fine-tuning my
    report. And it’s pretty shocking.


20. They organised parties while
    “being mindful of speakers and
    cameras”.


21. They sneaked in and out the back
    doors so nobody knew.


22. There’s vomit. There are wine
    stains up the walls.


23. There’s at least one fight.


24. There’s the Downing Street head
    of ethics bringing in a karaoke
    machine.


25. Yes I had to read that last one
    twice, too.

Wednesday

26. So I’ve delivered my report.


27. One of the most damning bits is
    where I quote officials crowing about
    how they “got away with it”.


28. Until now!


29. Except for the way that virtually
    none of them have lost their jobs or
    resigned.


30. So I suppose they actually did get
    away with it.


31. Hmmm.


32. Even the prime minister is letting
    it be known he’s been
    “completely
    vindicated”.


33. Which is doing my
    head in.


34. So I send him a
    message making sure
    he’s actually read
    it.


35. And he
    says it’s a truly
    humbling
    moment, but
    the
    important
    thing is to
    “turn the
    page”.


36. But there’s
    obviously quite a
    lot of stuff on the
    next page, too.

Thursday

37. There is some criticism of the way
    I opted not to investigate the
    notorious Abba party.


38. I felt it would not be “appropriate
    or proportionate”.


39. Because fines had already been
    given.


40. So to my mind it would have been
    tantamount to investigating whether
    the bears shit in the woods.


41. Which would not be appropriate
    or proportionate either.


42. Although I’m wondering now if I
    made a mistake. So I contact the PM
    to see what he thinks.


43. And he says “knowing me,
    knowing you, it’s the best we can do”.


44. Which I think is a no.


45. Aha.

Friday

46. Sue Gray. Sue Gray. Sue Gray.


47. I am so incredibly sick of my own
    name.


48. Wait, is it Gray or Grey?


49. I’m starting to wonder if all that
    work made any difference at all.


50. I suppose some people had left
    their jobs already.


51. Like the guy who organised the
    Bring Your Own Bottle party.


52. Although now they’re saying he’s
    going to be the next ambassador to
    Saudi Arabia.


53. I suppose he’ll have to Bring His
    Own Bottle there, too.
    54. Personally, I’m just waiting to
    see if I get called before the
    standards in public life
    committee, and have to go
    through it all again.
    55. And it’s also a bit
    weird that the PM’s
    reputation is exactly
    what it was a week
    ago, while mine
    seems to have
    slumped a bit.
    56. It’s enough to
    make you turn to
    drink.
    57. But let’s not.

*according

to Hugo

Rifkind

Diplomacy over diplodocus

Debbie White