Time Sep

31

TheView Parenting

about it. Our pessimism derives in large

part from our collective expectation that

we can do better. But that can be a source

of optimism as well.

MODERATE YOUR NEWS INTAKE

On any given day ugly things have been

said and done justice has not been

served—and vast forces are now aligned

to ensure we don’t miss a minute of

it. But those lashes of anxiety are

mostly pointless. I may need and want

to know what’s going on in the world

but news delivered in that manner

evokes fear rather than informs and

it makes our children worried as well.

It’s diicult for them to feel secure

when they see us reacting constantly to

outside events that are often invisible to

them. That’s why I’ve turned my news

notiications of.

INVOLVE YOURSELF

IN YOUR COMMUNITY

Following the “big scary” news can

not only leave us feeling helpless and

distraught it can also distract us from

the smaller issues where knowing the

facts and then acting might make a

diference. So put your energy toward

making sure you and your family are a

part of the world immediately around

you. That might mean volunteering

or voting but it might also mean

simply joining and being part of local

institutions and clubs that feed our

natural human need for connection (not

of the digital kind). Find something in

your area that makes you feel hopeful

and make it a part of your family life.

Raising optimistic kids is hard in

part because it demands that parents

relinquish the cynical perspective

that’s the easiest response to an era of

pessimism. But while I don’t know what

I or you or our kids can do to make the

news better I do know that we need

to ind ways to try—and that means

answering the “optimists wanted” call

and raising our children to do the same.

Hopeful resilient problem solvers

needed. No application necessary. Just

show up and make the best of it.

Dell’Antonia is the author of How to Be

a Happier Parent: Raising a Family

Having a Life and Loving (Almost)

Every Minute

WANTED: OPTIMISTS. MUST ENJOY CHALLENGES APPRECIATE

possibilities and possess a deep belief in your ability to master

a situation. Hope for the future a must and conidence in that

hope a strong plus. If your motto is “try try again” you’re

perfectly set to make the most of this—or any—opportunity.

There are excellent reasons for anyone—nations businesses

schools—to seek out the optimistic. And they are even truer

for parents. Optimists make better entrepreneurs experience

better health outcomes live longer and are more satisied with

their relationships. Their optimism enables them to continue

to strive in the face of diiculty while pessimism leaves them

depressed and resigned to failure—even expecting it.

I want a hopeful outlook for my children. I think most of

us do. But we live in particularly pessimistic times especially

when we consider the environment the government and

education. The resulting stew of negativity makes me worry

that the future—my kids’ future—will be grimmer. Yet how

can I expect them to practice what I barely manage to preach?

Fortunately research suggests ways to help our children

grow up with the resilient “can do” attitude that’s the mark of

the optimist—and maintain a happier disposition ourselves.

Here’s what I’ve learned and what I’m trying.

PAY ATTENTION TO THE POSITIVE

There’s one problem with the pessimist’s perspective: progress

is happening everywhere. Humanity has improved by many

measures—life expectancy poverty malnutrition illiteracy

religious tolerance gender equality. But that success has

become the water in which we swim and like ish we take

the water for granted. While we fail to notice the positive our

brains naturally emphasize the negative. As neuropsychologist

Rick Hanson described in his 2013 bookHardwiring Happiness

we are designed to focus on the beasts that are still out there in

the deep rather than on those we have tamed.

But with practice we can help our brains give the good

stuf equal weight. Hanson’s advice: when you hear a great

story or achieve something in your own life or just ind

yourself in a beautiful place with those you love deliberately

rest your mind on that experience and stay with it. Sink into

that feeling he writes “as it sinks into you.” Describe what

you’re doing to your kids and encourage them to dwell on

their joys and pleasures as well.

CHANGE HOW YOU EXPLAIN CURRENT EVENTS

Optimism can be developed. Researchers found that when even

people with a more pessimistic outlook use positive language

to describe situations they ind traumatic their feelings about

the situation become more positive and their more generalized

sense of optimism increases. That’s something we can try at

home. While an event that’s driving the news may be bad I tell

my kids to take note of all the people trying to do something

Raising optimistic kids in

an era of pessimism

By KJ Dell’Antonia

Our

pessimism

derives

from our

collective

expectation

that we can

do better.

But that can

be a source

of optimism

as well

ILLUSTRATION BY MARTIN GEE FOR TIME