I shook my head in disbelief. How
had it come to this? Undertaking a
house renovation just to get our three
20-something kids to move out of the
house! Where had we failed? What
warning signs had I missed?THROUGHOUT THEIRCHILDHOODS,
all three kids appeared to develop
‘normally’. They learned to walk, talk
and have play dates. They enjoyed
their primary school, evening activi-
ties, sports, arts and music. With highschool came boyfriends, girlfriends
and the realisation that their parents
were complete ninnies. Finally, the
liberating move to university.
We thought our job was done. They
were off, making their way in the
world!
But then, somehow, it all started to
unravel.
First came the ‘temporary’ move
back home to pay off student loans.
Then came the “I’m saving for the
future and living at home really
helps” phase. This was quickly fol-
lowed by “All my friends still live
at home, so I can’t find someone to
share an apartment with.”Yes, they are particularly trouble-
some in the kitchen, I thought. Each
night, we leave our kitchen fit for a
House & Gardenphoto shoot. Every
morning, we come down to a disas-
ter. Cupboard doors open, crumbs on
the counter. It was like a dance of the
midnight food fairies had carried on
while we slept.
“We’ll have to gut it completely –
go right down to the studs,” he said.
“Rip up the f loor, tear down the plas-
ter and replace all the electrical. We’ll
put your appliances in storage. You’ll
have no ability to keep or prepare
food for about three months.”
“Next, we target sources of water,”
he continued, adding that he’d
learned that, whether alone or in
packs, our intruders would spend
a considerable amount of time at
or near water sources, engaged in
lengthy grooming rituals. “So we’re
going to cut off all water to your main
f loor and above. You will have to rely
only on your tiny basement bath-
room .”
“Finally, we focus on their nesting
places. This is problematic in old
homes like yours. They can burrow
in and get very comfortable. They’re
nocturnal creatures, so we have to
concentrate our activity during the
day, making a lot of noise to disrupt
their sleeping habits.”
I still wasn’t convinced.
“Sir, if we start work tomorrow, we
guarantee your adult children will be
gone by summer.”
I REALISED THAT
MY CHILDREN ARE
SUFFERINGFROM A
RATHER STAUNCH
REFUSAL TO GROW UP83
The Kids Stay in the Picture