LOL
Send your favourite funnies to: LOL, Street Machine, Locked Bag 12,
Oakleigh, Vic 3166 or email them to: [email protected].UNFORTUNATE
A FROG goes to a fortune teller to find out
if he will ever be lucky in love. The fortune
teller reads the frog’s palm and says: “I
have good news and I have bad news.”
The frog asks for the good news first.
The fortune teller says: “You are going to
meet the most beautiful girl, who is going
to be very interested in you and will want
to know all about you. You will open up to
her and give her your heart.”
“That’s great!” says the frog. “But what’s
the bad news?”
The fortune teller replies: “You’re going
to meet her in biology class.”
Lil Croker, email
GAG OF THE MONTH
I cook with wine. Sometimes I
even add it to the food – WC Fields
THOUGHT OF THE MONTH
Once again the guy pulls the exact change
straight out of his pocket and places it on the
table. The waitress can’t hold back her curiosity
any longer. “Excuse me, sir. How do you manage
to always come up with the exact change out of
your pocket every time?”
“Well,” the man replies, “several years ago I
found an old lamp. When I rubbed it a genie
appeared and offered me two wishes. My first
wish was that if I ever had to pay for anything,
I would just put my hand in my pocket and the
right amount of money would always be there.
Whether I’m buying a litre of milk or a Porsche,
the exact money is always there.”
“That’s brilliant!” says the waitress. Then she
leans in, and asks in a whisper: “Sir, I have to
ask – what’s with the ostrich?”
The man sighs and answers: “My second wish
was for a tall chick with long legs who agrees
with everything I say.”
A Byrd, emailGRAVE CONSEQUENCES
AN OLD man and woman were married for years
even though they hated each other. When they
had a confrontation, screams and yelling could
be heard deep into the night. The neighbours
would often hear the man yell: “When I die, I will
dig my way up out of the grave to come back and
haunt you for the rest of your life!”
The neighbours came to fear the man and
believed he practised black magic because of
the many strange occurrences that took place
in their neighbourhood. And of course, the old
man liked the fact that he was feared.
But one day, to everyone’s relief, the old man
died suddenly. After the burial, his wife went
straight to the local bar and began to party like
there was no tomorrow.
Her neighbours approached her and asked:
“Are you not afraid? This man stated that when
he died, he would dig his way out of the grave
to come back and haunt you for the rest of
your life!”
FUNNY FOTONNYFOTO The Bill Posters Defence Coalition strikes again.The Bill Posters Defence Coalition strikes again.
NAME DROPPER
A MAN’S children were curious about their
names. The man’s daughter asked him: “Dad,
how did I get my name?”
“Well, you were lying down under a tree and
a rose fell on your head, so I named you Rose,”
the father replied.
The second daughter asked: “Dad, how did I
get my name?”
“Well, you were lying down under a tree and
a lily fell on your head, so I named you Lily,” the
father replied.
All of a sudden, the man’s son ran into the
room with a stupid look on his face and yelled:
“Urrrrrhhhhhggggrrrr!”
The father replied: “Shut up, Brick!”
Fallon Meehead, email
FEATHERED FRIEND
A MAN walks into a restaurant with an ostrich
behind him. The waitress asks for their orders.
The man says: “A hamburger, fries, and a Coke.”
“I’ll have the same,” says the ostrich.
A short time later the waitress returns with the
order. “That will be $19.80 please.” The man
reaches into his pocket and, without looking,
pulls out the exact change for payment.
The next day, the man and the ostrich come in
again. “I’ll have a hamburger, fries, and a Coke,”
the man says.
The ostrich says: “I’ll have the same.”
Again the man reaches into his pocket and
pays with exact change.
This becomes routine, until one night they
come in and the waitress asks: “The usual?”
“No, this is Friday night,” the man says, “so I
will have a steak, baked potato, and salad.”
“Me too,” says the ostrich.
The waitress brings the order and says: “That
will be $43.75.”
The wife put down her drink and said: “Let
the old guy dig. I had him buried upside down.”
Indy Ground, emailINSTINCT
A MAN goes into a doctor’s surgery and says:
“Help! I think I’m a moth!”
The doctor says: “Well, I can’t help you, I’m
only a GP. You need the psychiatrist next door.
Why did you come to me?”
The man replies: “Your light was on.”
N Sekt, emailTIGHT SQUEEZE
THERE were three balloons: Mummy Balloon,
Daddy Balloon and Baby Balloon.
It was time for bed and Baby Balloon asked
if he could he sleep with Mummy and Daddy
that night.
Mummy Balloon said: “No, you can sleep in
your own bed.”
Later that night Baby crept into Mummy and
Daddy’s room and tried to squeeze in between
them, but he found they were too close together.
So he thought if he let a bit of air out of Daddy he
could squeeze in, but that didn’t work, so he let
some air out of Mummy. That didn’t work either,
so he let some air out of himself.
With that, he was able to squeeze between
them. But just then, Mummy Balloon woke up,
and in an annoyed voice she said: “You’ve let me
down, you’ve let your father down and worst of
all you’ve let yourself down.”
S Kaipdair, email