June• 2018 | 63PERFECT JOKE
A woman walked into a library and
wondered whether they had any
books about paranoia. he librarian
replied, “hey’re right behind you.”
Source: Reddit.comWATERLOGGED
At a boat rental stand, the manager
spots a boat out on the lake and
yells through his megaphone,
“Number 99, come in please, your
time is up.” Several minutes pass,
but the boat doesn’t return. “Boat
number 99,” he again bellows,
“return to the dock immediately,
or I’ll have to charge you overtime.”
“Something’s wrong, boss,”
his assistant says. “We only have
75 boats.”
he manager pauses, then raises
his megaphone: “Boat number 66,
are you OK?”
Source: Mariniste.livejournal.comIs there a spin doctor
in the house?!Get your BA in BS by learning these
marketing euphemisms:ACQUIRED TASTE
A food writer described this as
“something people only ever say
about foods that are horrible”.
AHEAD OF ITS TIME
A book-publishing euphemism for
“it bombed”.
COURTESY CALL
An unsolicited phone call from a
telemarketer.
FIXER-UPPER
A real-estate term for a property
that might be more accurately
described as a “tearer-downer”.
FRIENDLY REMINDER
Urgent warning.
LEARNING OPPORTUNITY
A mistake.
ROBUST EXCHANGE OF VIEWS
A shouting match.
ZERO-TASKING
An impressive-sounding business
term to use instead of admitting
that you’re doing absolutely
nothing.
Source: Spinglish, by Henry Beard and
Christopher Cerf“hey must be grown-up
ducks, because they’re eating
the crusts, too.”
PHOTOGRAPHS COURTESY JAMES FRIDMAN; ILLUSTRATION: CONAN DE VRIES: (
GLASSES) ISTOCK