66 | June• 2018
DATING E-STYLE
wanted kids. I was 40, so I qualiied,
but Picky probably wanted a younger
woman so he could start his own
brood, not join a ready-made family
with my six- and eight-year-old kids.
After that epiphany, I thought that I
might have better luck with divorced
dads. They probably wouldn’t want
more children, so why wouldn’t they
date a contemporary?
I began an online dialogue with a
divorced dad who had similar inter-
ests. We both work for magazines and
enjoy swimming. For days, Swimmer
and I asked each other meaningful
questions, and I began mentally pre-
paring for my irst date in 14 years. But
then Swimmer disappeared. I’m still
not sure why. It felt like a failed irst
date, even though we never met for
the proverbial cup of cofee. At least
he didn’t lie and say that he’d call me,
I reasoned – the silence from our dat-
ing website was loud and clear.
Next, I met a divorced dad from my
town. We emailed for a bit; then he
asked for my number. One night af-
ter the kids were asleep, Hometown
called. He was nice, but I felt abso-
lutely no spark. Our conversation was
the mindless chit-chat that you have
at a cocktail party with a stranger you
don’t plan to see again. Still, I was
pleased when Hometown asked me
out. Scheduling our proposed date
was tricky, though, because we both
had our kids on diferent weekends.
We had to settle for a day that was sev-
eral weeks away. hat didn’t give meOf course, I know that plenty of di-
vorced mums get remarried. My kids
have friends with stepdads, and I
know women with second husbands.
But as a divorced mum with no seri-
ous online suitors to consider, I was
feeling discouraged, and I igured that
I wasn’t alone.
To see if my experience was typical,
I spoke with Paula Bisacre, founder of
RemarriageWorks.com. “Single mums
often have a more diicult time dat-
ing,” she told me. “A higher percentage
of men will remarry within ive years
of a divorce than women.”
I had to see those numbers. I found
a report that showed that 87 per cent of
divorced men remarry compared to 65
per cent of divorced women. And my
hunch about older men and younger
women wasn’t totally wrong. he age
gap between spouses in second mar-
riages is ive years or more compared
to 2.5 years for irst marriages.
Once I knew what I was up against,
I decided to be more aggressive about
my online dating. No more sitting
back and waiting to get noticed.
I tapped out a note to a cute, single
42 year old who seemed interesting
(although he sounded like a picky
eater, and I’m an adventurous cook).
For days, I hovered over my email,
waiting for Picky to reply. Nothing.
Gradually, it occurred to me that I
was too old for Picky and he didn’t
have the decency to tell me (just as
I’d ignored a grandpa or two). He was
seeking women aged 25 to 40 and he