GIRL: MARLEY KATE/THELICENSINGPROJECT.COM126 glamour.comDoes it make
me less of a
feminist if I want
the guy to pay
on the first date? It’s such a turnoff for
me if he doesn’t! Am I wrong?
—E.G., 23, New York CityLife/Crowdsource This
Too into this
pizza to even
think about
the bill. Want your sex and relationship
questions answered here? Email them
to [email protected].“I grapple with
this question
every day.
Nobody knows what to
do while dating any-
more! A lot of guys are
t r y i ng t o b e g o o d f e m i-
n i s t s , s o t he y w on’t
insist on paying, and
other men are trauma-
tized by the idea of a
woman going on dates
with them just for a
f r e e me a l , s o t he y s pl it
the bill to make sure
you’re actually inter-
ested. If a guy really
likes you, I think most
times he’ll want to pick
up the check. But also
know that for a lot
of guys, picking up the
tab does make them
feel entitled to another
date. That doesn’t
me a n y ou h av e t o g o,
but i f y ou’r e OK de a l i ng
with that expectation,
go for it. You can be a
feminist who also
romantically wants to
be taken care of.”
—Amy Van Doran, founder
of the matchmaking service
Modern Love Club“The concept of
a man paying
on dates is tied
up in the idea
that he’s the
provider,
and part of feminism
is that women aren’t
trapped in traditional
g e nde r r ole s. S o y e s ,
you may w a nt t o a s k
yourself why you’re
hu ng up on h i m p ay-
i ng. A f t e r a l l , o dd s a r e
that once you settle
down, you’ll have to
contribute financially!
That said, the gender
pay gap is the strongest
reason for him to
pay. It’s real for young
women, so the idea
that men collectively
would subsidize wom-
en’s lesser pay and
h ig he r e x p e n s e s (on
things like dry clean-
ing) by buying dinner
isn’t that ridiculous.”
—Heather Boushey,
executive director and
chief economist at the
Washington Center for
Equitable Growth“Whoever
makes the most
money should
pay for dinner —
so you should both
bring your tax
returns. Joking aside,
it’s not really impor-
tant to me; I don’t
mind paying at all.
I’m from the Midwest,
where it’s a guy’s job
to court a woman. It
shows I can take care
of y ou. S t i l l , i f a
woman came out and
told me, ‘I want to split
it with you—that’s my
cause,’ I would admire
it 100 percent.”
—Lamorne Morris, actor,
New Girl“It doesn’t
make you less
of a feminist;
it makes you a person
with standards. But it’s
on l y f a i r t o le t y ou r
d a t e k now w h a t y ou
want. It’s not a prob-
lem to say something
before the date like,
‘When I go out with
someone for the first
time, it’s nice for them
to pay.’ Empowerment
can come from confi-
dently broaching
s ubje c t s l i k e t h i s s o
your date knows
what’s important to
you. And isn’t the point
of a first date to get
to know those things
about each other?”
—Danielle Henderson,
author of Feminist Ryan
Gosling