PINK TULIP AND BACKGROUND: SAR A K BYRNE PHOTOGR APHY/STOCKSY. RED TULIP: COR A NIELE/GET T Y IMAGES134 glamour.comw
hen Andrea Sanchez, 29,
scored a big new title at her
marketing firm, she was
initially worried about one
employee: her friend and former peer Sara
Pence, 24. She was used to sharing details
about her dating life with Pence; now she
was her boss. Pence also had reservations:
“I wondered, Can I still tell her if I had a
few too many drinks over the weekend?”
But now, a few months in, both agree their
relationship has prospered. Why? “We
keep the lines of communication open and
are honest with each other,” says Sanchez.
These two make it sound easy, but man-
aging (or reporting to) a friend can be far
trickier. Since it happens more and more—
research shows that one in three adults
meets at least one close friend on the job—
w e h av e a d v ic e on m a k i ng it w ork.Scenario: One of you
gets promoted.
IF YOU’RE THE (NEW) BOSS: Celebrate, then
lay some rules of engagement, says Ben
Michaelis, Ph.D., a New York City clinicalAnd to
think they
were once
best buds.psychologist and author of Your Ne x t Big
Thing: Ten Small Steps to Get Moving and
Get Happy. Set a dinner date to discuss
how you’ll support your friend without
playing favorites. Maybe you’ll decide she
can vent to you but not ask you to cover for
her while she sneaks out for a manicure.
IF YOU’RE THE STAFFER: Feeling knee-jerk jeal-
ousy? Michaelis suggests reality-checking
those emotions. “Often people realize the
p o s i t i o n w o u l d n’ t h a v e b e e n r i g h t f o r t h e m
anyway,” he says. And use verbal boundar-
ies to clarify your role, he says. You could
say, “As someone who reports to you, I
think...but as your friend, I’d advise....”
Then your boss-friend can decide which
perspective she wants to hear.Scenario: The conversation
turns to company gossip.
IF YOU’RE THE BOSS: Shut down the convo in a
k i n d w a y. M i c h a e l i s s u g g e s t s s a y i n g s o m e-
thing like, “You know how much I value
your friendship, but out of respect for our
work relationship, I can’t talk about that.”
IF YOU’RE THE STAFFER: Focus on points of
connection beyond office gossip. And if
you can’t? “There probably wasn’t much
to your friendship to begin with,” says
Michaelis.Scenario: Things get heated
during a meeting.
IF YOU’RE THE BOSS: Pick up the conversation
“offstage” later , as you would with any
employee. If you’re afraid things might
veer into the personal, bring in a neutral
third person to keep things professional.
IF YOU’RE THE STAFFER: Be aware that you
might feel inappropriately comfortable
challenging your boss because you’re
friends; you also might feel more person-
ally attacked. Take a beat: How would
you handle the situation if she was just
your boss? “The key isn’t to avoid con-
f lict,” says Michaelis. “Just do it with
respect. Good relationships are hardier
than people think.”So Your
Friend Is Now
Your Boss...
...or you’re hers. Awkward! Here’s how
to deal, w ith your bond intact.
By Jihan ThompsonAnd Here’s What Not to Do
He Said I Wasn’t His Boss!
“Not long after I became my
friend’s manager, he told me,
‘I miss having a boss.’ I replied,
‘I am your boss.’ He yelled that
I wasn’t and ran away! Human
resources helped us mediate,
but our friendship died.”
—Ashley, 28I Called Her a Bitch
“I needed to pick up my sick
baby from day care, and
my friend/boss, also a single
mom, wouldn’t let me go!
I called her a bitch and left—
it wasn’t right, I know. I got
fired. We still don’t speak.”
—Ciara, 29She Blocked My Raise
“My friend was like my
sister...until she told her
boss I didn’t deserve better
pay! She apologized, but
we were never as close.”
—Elaine, 39
—reported by Rebecca
Scott and Layla JonesLife / Working It