Artistically stacked
pizza boxes don’t
count... sorryCLEANING IS
FOR THE WEAKWhy don’t guys
decorate
their place?
THE SECRET LIFE OF BAES
How he really spends his me-time
Does a girlfriend change a dude’s everyday time management? Uh, yes
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YOUR GUIDE
TO THE
MALE BRAIN manthrop olog
Men have very limited
infl uences when it comes to
décor. Pop culture presents us
with two acceptable aesthetics:
man cave (framed jerseys,
hideous black leather furniture)
and serial killer’s hideout (blank
walls/complete lack of personal
e ects). When these are your
two sources of inspiration,
it feels daunting to go too
far in the other direction – a
tasteful mid-century modern
abode signals you have way
too much time on your hands.
In truth, I’d love to have a
clean, modern apartment with
basics from West Elm. I’m 30,
and it’s embarrassing that my
home resembles an opium den
without opium. But I’ve never
learnt how to live any other
way. It’s not like I think signing
up for Pinterest will make my
penis fall o. But I don’t need
to learn how to DIY a pine
cone into a lighting fi xture. I
just want to know how high
and how far apart to hang two
framed posters. Bottom line: if
your boyfriend’s apartment is
basically the inside of a pizza
box, he’s probably overwhelmed
by choices or he has no taste of
his own. Help a brother out. SINGLE IN A RELATIONSHIP5% Flirting with
Sarah in marketing 5%getting a dog Thinking about
10%
Masturbation20% Hanging
with the guys
(gentlemen,
really)20% Eating
foot-long
meatball subs
at 3am15% Smoking
weed and
going online10% Feeling
really lonely15% Painstakingly
crafting “casual”
texts to “Jen
Tinder”5% Masturbation20% Having
actual sex- score!
10% Trying to
make out during
Broad City10% Realising
your friends
aren’t gentlemen15% Smoking
weed and going
to a museum
with her15% Painstakingly
deciphering
passive-aggressive
texts from her5% Avoiding Sarah
in marketing10% Watching Reese
Witherspoon movies10% Scouring
Etsy for her
birthday present