t’s an idyllic sunny day and the scene inside Jayson
Brunsdon and Aaron Elias’s Sydney apartment is one of
domestic bliss. We have all enjoyed a cuddle with baby
Roman, their adorable son, born January 5, who is now
cooing contentedly on his play mat.
But this heart-warming scene very nearly didn’t
happen. Indeed, it is far removed from the traumatic
months that preceded Roman’s birth, when Brunsdon and Elias
feared they might never bring their baby home. But first things
first ... The teddy bears, dummies and bottles are a far cry from
the world of catwalks, models, international travel and fashion
shows the pair is more accustomed to, and it was in this exciting
scene they first met. They have the late Charlotte Dawson to thank
for introducing them 16 years ago, and the pair has been a firm
partnership ever since, in life as in love. Elias is the CEO of Jayson
Brunsdon, the label Brunsdon founded 11 years ago.
“We started this label in 2004 and it exploded. We were
working six or seven days a week, travelling up to six times a
year,” Brunsdon says. “I was having fun and was quite ambitious
and driven; I wasn’t paternal at all.” But for Elias it was a different
story: the gentle, softly spoken man always craved a child.
“When we first started dating, I said to Jayson: ‘I want kids.’ And
he said: ‘Yep, we’ll think about that later!’” Life and the label
took over, but it seemed the universe had different plans. In the
midst of the whirlwind that followed the label’s
success, the GFC took over, bringing them
crashing back to Earth. Then came Brunsdon’s
prostate cancer diagnosis.
“We reached rock bottom,” Elias says. “It was
very difficult times. The cancer was the worst, it
was two to three years of chemo, then the
recovery; everything went pear-shaped. Jayson
does the creative and I do the business side, so
when Jayson was sick the creative wasn’t there.”
Thankfully, Brunsdon did make a full recovery, but all their
time and energy went into his recuperation. It left them with a
profoundly different approach to life. “You learn so much from
it,” Brunsdon says. “You come out a lot stronger and it changes
all your priorities.”
That life re-evaluation meant Brunsdon was now ready to start
a family. The couple first looked to India, but just as they were
about to sign on the dotted line, India outlawed surrogacy for
homosexual couples. They then sought advice from Surrogacy
Australia, which suggested they look into Thailand instead.
Conscious of wanting Roman to be part of them both
genetically, they were gratified when a cousin offered to donate
some eggs. “She has her own young children and she’s a really
lovely girl,” says Brunsdon. “She knew how important it was to
us that he was part of us, and she didn’t want either of us to feel
excluded ... so Roman can grow up knowing he’s part of both
his daddies,” adds Elias. They feel they were equally blessed
with the surrogate mother, a Thai woman whose family they
came to know well during the pregnancy. “She was very
maternal, and her whole family knew about it [and supported
it],” says Elias. “She wanted to do this so she could pay for her
boys’ university,” Brunsdon says.
Miraculously, not only did the eggs fertilise, but the surrogate fell
pregnant on the first IVF attempt. Now they just had to get through
the next 36 weeks. “They were long days, long weeks, long months,”
says Elias. But there were more hurdles to come. Just one week after
they found out they were expecting a boy, news broke of the babyI
Gammy scandal in Thailand. Immediately the Thai government
threatened to shut down all surrogacy agencies, leaving 300-plus
expectant Australian parents in a nightmare limbo land.
“I was here on my own, Aaron was in Singapore, and I couldn’t
get an answer out of anybody. I was a complete wreck,’” Brunsdon
says. It got worse. “I rang the agent and they said to sit tight,
because the recommendation was that all hospitals and doctors
had to adhere to these new laws and if we tried to bring him out of
Thailand we could be trialled for human trafficking,” says Elias.
“Which meant we could be thrown in jail.”
This roller-coaster went on for three weeks, during which the press
got wind of the fact one of the babies stuck in the middle of this
diplomatic crisis belonged to a high-profile Australian fashion
designer, and the calls were relentless. Eventually, foreign minister
Julie Bishop and Surrogacy Australia intervened and a moratorium
was placed on couples whose babies were already in utero. Baby
Roman was safe. (Thai surrogacy has since become illegal for
non-Thai couples and same-sex couples.)
Now all that remained was the not insignificant matter of the
birth, and the couple flew in four weeks early, in case of any more
unforeseen complications. Finally the big day arrived, without
incident. “Only one of us was allowed in the operating theatre,”
Elias says. “And of course [when Roman was born], I cried like a
baby myself. They had to sit me down and told me they wouldn’t
hand me the baby until I controlled myself! It
was the happiest day of my life.” For Brunsdon,
Roman’s birth left him with emotions that still
overwhelm him today. “This incredible feeling
of love swept over me,” he says. “This wave of
immense happiness and pride, it was completely
unique. I felt, wow, we’re a little family. Which
is something that being gay and of my
generation, you would never think would
happen. It felt like a miracle.”
Not only does Roman Elias Brunsdon have two very doting
dads, his fairy godmothers, including Leona Edmiston, Kristy
Hinze and Nicole Naccarella, are already showering him with
love (and designer gifts), and his “bio mum”, as she’s called, will
continue to play a role in Roman’s life. Elias and Brunsdon are
aware that growing up with two dads will have its challenges for
Roman, and this was made all too real recently when gay Italian
designers Domenico Dolce and Stefano Gabbana made comments
about children born through IVF referring to “chemical offspring”
and using the phrase “rented uterus”. Responding to the instant
backlash from celebrities, among them Ricky Martin, Sharon
Stone and Elton John, Dolce stressed he was expressing a private
point of view, not casting judgment or telling anyone else how to
live their lives.
Brunsdon and Elias plan to combat potential bullying and
discrimination by being up-front with Roman about the facts of
his conception. “I think the world has changed,” Brunsdon says.
“My parents live in rural Australia and when Roman was born,
two little girls next door brought them flowers.”
Today, Brunsdon has reluctantly returned to work while Elias
juggles working from home with parenting. Brunsdon also admits
he has a new creative urge – a kidswear line – that they hope will
be set up by year’s end. It all seems so harmonious that it begs the
question: would they consider giving Roman a brother or sister?
“I would. So yes!” answers Elias immediately. Brunsdon’s
response, however, is a little more considered. “I’m just happy we
have our little miracle at the moment.” ■“ROMAN CAN
GROW UP
KNOWING HE’S
PA RT OF BO T H
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