You love your bloke but you can’t stop
WhatsApping Andy. Hello, back-up BF
By Faye BrennanYou’ve always been told to have a
Plan B. That’s why you upload to the
cloud. Or pack flats in your handbag.
Or have a few guys on retainer in case
your current relationship crashes and
burns. Wait, what? Romantic back-up
options are surprisingly common.
A recent study in Computers in Human
Behavior found the average woman has
about four ‘backburners’ – men she
regularly communicates with in case she
finds herself back on the market. As for
the average taken guy? He has eight
potential women-in-waiting. And now,
it’s never been easier to tap those
back-ups, thanks to social media, say
study authors Dr Jayson Dibble and
Dr Michelle Drouin. Their research found
that having other people on reserve
doesn’t necessarily mean you’re
not committed to your man (most
digital exchanges in the study
were platonic; one third were
racy). Still, it’s a slippery slope.
Sending another guy a DM can
signal that something might
be missing from your current
union. What exactly? Depends
on which of these four guys are
warming your love bench.1 THE
FORMER FLAME
You two hooked up or
maybe even seriously
dated, but because of
some hiccup, your bond
fizzled. Your Facey
friendship, however,
hasn’t, and seeing him
pop up in your feed
reminds you of those good
times. You like his shirtless
boat party pics and
message him, “So, how
was it?” when he gets
back from a work trip.
(Red flag: you even know
he was on a work trip.)HERE’S THE DEAL
You may not be confident
in your relationship, so
you’re living with one foot
in the past which is more
comfy, says Laura Doyle,
an intimacy expert and
author of Fi rst, Kill All theMarriage Counselors.
Talking to your ex is your
strategy to ease that
niggling feeling. Possibility
two: you’re bored by how
drama-free your love life
is now. (Oh, he went
hang-gliding yesterday?
We made zoodles.) “It’s
like you’re sitting in a
lifeboat while on a luxury
cruise,” Doyle says.WILL IT BURN YOU?
Chatting with a past lover
is not worth the fight it
will cause if – or ‘when’- your bloke finds out.
“There’s evidence contact
through social media can
lead to jealousy, emotional
cheating and relationship
discontent,” says Drouin.
SNUFF IT OUT
“Unfriend the ex and
block his number,” says
Doyle. It’s harsh, but what
you had is o-v-e-r! Once
he’s a digital ghost, turn
your attention to your
main man. If things are a
bit yawn-y, sign up for
a bootcamp or, hey, go
abseiling to experience
some excitement without
effing up your bond.BOYS
ON THE
SIDE
60
RIGHT
HAND
MAN?