GQ South Africa — May 2017

30 GQ.CO.ZA MAY 2017

SEX

ILLUSTRATION BY GARETH GREY

A SLOW CLAP

FOR THE QUICKIE

Words by Maureen O’Connor

If you’re a good one-minute man, you’re capable

of high-quality sex, at any time

reak me of, show
me what you got,
’cause I don’t want
no one-minute
man, Missy Elliott once sang.
But Missy had it wrong. Just
as a talented rapper can slay
in a 30-second guest verse,
good sex is about taking
advantage of the time you
have – especially when you
don’t have any time at all.
Bad sex, on the other hand,
is acutely aware of time – how
much time has passed, how
much is left, and can you
please hurry up, I’d like to
beat rush hour? Bad sex is
interminable sex, the kind

where neither party knows

how to get the other one of,

so you just keep plugging

away, hoping for a miracle,

cluelessly bopping your

bodies together in a useless

game of erotic Whac-A-Mole.

Now, it’s true that mind-

blowing orgasms generally

take more than one minute.

Hookups where everything

clicks immediately, and on

the irst try, are rare. (But

when it does happen, good

God! Consider breakfast in

bed? Efortless chemistry is

hard to ind; don’t mess this

up.) Missteps are normal,

especially when a partner is

new. I begrudge no one those

errors, nor the opportunity to

openly communicate and

learn from each other. But

when I’m fucking, I’m not

there to teach a sex seminar

• I’m there to get of.
  he ironic truth is, good
  quickies take time. Not in
  the moment, of course, but
  in preparation for it: getting
  to know a partner’s body,
  getting to know your own
  body, accruing sexual
  experience, gaining enough
  conidence. So once you know
  what you’re doing, you can
  pull the trigger on that inal
  moment whenever you want.

You know that a lick right

there makes her squirm with

delight, that a inger just here

makes him gasp. You can

bring it all the way home

in one fell swoop – or take

your time with it, stretch it

out. Because here’s the key:

if you’re capable of a high-

quality quickie together, then

you’re capable of high-quality

sex, at any time, any length.

After all, anyone can

memorise enough moves

to last all night – but only

a few can pull of the one

that makes you weak at the

knees in three seconds lat.

So if a guy breaks me of,

shows me what he’s got and

orgasms start rolling in under

a minute? I’m not going to

complain. I could use the

extra time to get to know him.

Or take up a hobby. Or, I don’t

know, do him again?

The ironic

truth is,

good

quickies

take time.

Not in the

moment,

of course,

but in the

preparing

for it...