come with a universal rulebook, most of
us still try to meet society’s expectations –
and that’s where things go south.
As Schaefer says, “Those who follow
traditional paths to success at the expense
of what they really want often feel out of
control or disempowered in their own lives.
They feel like a victim of circumstance
rather than the creator, and they might
work really hard to get where they want
but feel empty once they get there.” If all
you’ve ever wanted to do is bake cakes,
no amount of accounting accolades will
ever give you the same satisfaction as
a fluffy parfait, and if your definition of
success is out of focus, psychologist Jacqui
Manning (jacquimanning.com.au) notes
you’ll often feel anxious, resentful and as
though you’re not in the right place.
What success really comes down to, the
experts agree, is how contented you feel,
so in order to win at life, you have to workout what success really means to you.
In other words, the shoe has to fit, so
get ready to walk the walk...STEP ONE: KNOW
WHAT YOU WANT
“The most important thing about success
is that the definition resonates with you
and is in alignment with your values,” says
Schaefer, so tap into your true desires by
writing down how you want to feel in each
area of your life. For example, you might
say, “In my relationships, I want to feel
connected” or “In my career, I want to feel
powerful”. If you’re not sure how you want
to feel, Manning says to ask yourself what
the most important thing in your life
currently is. By doing this, you’ll uncover
your core values, which will help you when
it comes to making future decisions.STEP TWO: PLAN
YOUR PERFECT DAY
Once you know how you want to feel,
Schaefer says to write down a timeline
of your ideal day. If you were the best
version of yourself, living the life you
really want to live, imagine what your day
would look like. Where do you wake up?
What’s the first thing you do? Who do you
surround yourself with and how do you
feel when the sun goes down? “Get really
specific and hold this vision in your mind
when creating your schedule and making
decisions about your life,” says Schaefer.STEP THREE: REMEMBER
WHO YOU WERE
Before society told you who you should
be, who did you want to be? If you’re not
sure, chat to your inner child, tips Schaefer.
“What were you drawn to? What games
did you play and what did you get lost
in for hours? By tapping into who you
were and what you loved, you can uncover
what really matters,” she explains.
Once you’ve identified your true
passions, spot the difference between
your personal idea of success (becoming
a PT), and the expectations you’ve been
trying to meet (finishing a law degree)
and make the required adjustments.STEP FOUR: KNOW
WHAT YOU CAN GIVE
“True fulfilment comes from using your
skills, strengths and experiences to add
value to the lives of others,” says Schaefer,
so when defining success in your career,
relationships and finances, try thinkingabout what you can give rather than what
you can get. Nothing beats the fuzzy
feels that come from helping someone or
strengthening a relationship, so keep this
in mind when you feel tempted to measure
success by material possessions or titles.STEP FIVE: LOOK
TO THE FUTURE
Imagine looking back on your life at
80 years old and then complete the
following sentences:■ (^) I spent too much time worrying about...
■ (^) I spent too little time doing...
■ (^) If I could go back in time, I would...
Once you have your answers, Manning
says to look for any disparities between
what you value doing and what you’re
currently doing, then rearrange your
priorities accordingly.
Spending time on things you value
makes mundane tasks more meaningful,
says Manning, and as Schaefer adds, truly
successful people love what they do, so fill
your goal list with things that benefit your
physical, mental and spiritual health, like
finally booking that trip to Canada instead
of hitting ‘like’ on Insta.
Hit and miss
The dos and don’ts of
defining success
1
DON’T COMPARE: Judging
your success based on someone
else’s opinion won’t provide you
with a true reading. Instead of
relying on the validation of others,
think about how a decision or goal
will make you feel.
2
SPEND WISELY: Remember:
Money can’t buy happiness.
“Purchases light up the pleasure
centres in your brain, but once
they’re habituated, you start
looking for other things, which
creates the habit of looking outside
of yourself for fulfilment or
pleasure,” explains Manning. “It’s
better to choose parameters that
don’t have an end-point, such as
a job that continues to inspire you
or a life full of connection.”
3
DIG DEEP: Rather than
awarding yourself points for
each material accomplishment
or relationship milestone, judge
yourself by what kind of person
you are and if you (and you alone)
can make yourself happy.
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WORDS
JAYMIE HOOPER
PHOTOGRAPHY
THINKSTOCK
ThinkFIT