listening with a “doing mindset” as opposed to a “thinking
mindset”. Which is to say, rather than remaining open and
curious to the speaker, their subconscious intent is to
evaluate, assess, judge and search out evidence that does or
doesn’t chime with their own beliefs.
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an internal narrative. Me FM. The observing mind, the inner
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some point in childhood, when external narration makes
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impacts our ability to listen for one reason. You can think so
much faster than I can talk.
Most of us speak at a rate of about 125 words per minute,
according to two separate studies reported in theHarvard
Business Review, but with our thoughts powered by 13
billion or so brain cells, words and language course through
our minds at a far greater speed. You don’t need to hang on
my every word because you’re well able to scan ahead,
predict where I’m going and keep a hold of the main thread
all at once. Consciously slowing down our thinking is
almost impossible, so while I move glacially towards my
main point, you’ve got what the Harvard team call
“spare thinking time”. Why not take a nice mental detour?
Debate the cross-body bag! Only know that, the longer you
stay away, the harder it will be to get back in, and since
working to catch up is more mentally demanding than
returning to your own private ruminations, guess which
one you’ll usually do?
But again, that’s not our fault. There’s an evolutionary
purpose to half-hearing. As well as sieving external stimuli,
our minds are constantly trawling for emotional triggers.
Skip the ra-ra-ra, hunt for threats, prevent being
overwhelmed. “The mind’s main job is to keep us safe by@for the quality of listening that, according to extensive research by the University of
Minnesota, will have us catch and retain about half of what has been said. Within
eight hours, we’ll be able to recall less than a third of the content, and in two months
we’re down to a quarter, meaning our memory of the event will be skewed or a patchy
construct, but either way wholly unreliable.
Considering the mad array of obstacles to listening well, it’s surprising we
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need to cultivate,” says clinical psychologist Dr Samantha Clarke. “In a basic,
evolutionary sense, it’s not easy for us. Good listening requires a version of
mindfulness and that is not something that comes naturally to most people.”
Think of even a few of the impediments to tuning in: environmental distractions,
for one. Although not necessarily a new problem – surely cavepeople got distracted
by the threat of imminent starvation/death – we now live with a level of white noise
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our peripheral vision, a to-do list that scrolls through our minds like movie credits.
If our concentration span is really shrinking, as some experts argue, periods of deep
listening seem done for.
“Our minds have never really been able to concentrate on any one thing for
prolonged periods,” explains Dr Tim Sharp of The Happiness Institute. “Experts
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in reality our mind wanders every 15 to 20 seconds.
Whether that’s a new phenomenon or not, modern
living certainly isn’t improving it.”
In a single second, our brains are required to
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roughly seven it can actually deal with at once,
according to the groundbreaking psychologist
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through active engagement with other people
enhances our own wellbeing. To make the cut,
information coming in has to be a threat to our
safety, meaningful to us, unusual or humorous.
Four strikes against my spreadsheet story, then.
Personality has an impact, too. While extroverts
may look as though they’re deeply engaged in
the exchange, it’s likely they’re really just
waiting for their turn to talk, a measure of mental
focus on what they’ll say next. Leading to, of
course, the conversational hate crime that is
continuous interruption.
Even those naturally inclined to say less, and
therefore hear more, could be more susceptible to
“IN REALITY
OUR MIND
WANDERS
EVERY 15
TO 20
SECONDS”
“GOOD
LISTENING
IS NOT
SOMETHING
THAT COMES
NATURALLY”
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