BEING A CRUSTYdirtbikeguy
canbeaboutwashingoutthe
front-endandeatingdirt,riding
for a coupleofhourstogettoa
superbsteak-and-schooners
camp orholding yourbreathas
youdrop shortof yourlander
andsoakupthemistakewith
your spine.
You can romanticize, fantasize or
even editorializeyourride. You can pull
retardedwheelies inthongs whiledoing
thebread-and-milkrunonyourEXC,or
farmanentirearmpitoffunkona
six-hour-plus, 38-degree bush basher.
Therecomesatimewheneventhe
crustiest ofridershavetoreduce
themselves to theroleof‘housecat’.For
meitcomesto‘housecat’whenmyriding
gearfails.Ihatenewridinggear, can not
stand it. It may be superstition or
thriftiness orplain stupidity, but clean,
shiny ridinggear makes me feel like I am
onfloat#1 in OxfordStreetfor Sydney’s
biggestparty.
When I am forcedtobuy newgear I
throw itinthetray of my uteorinmydog’s
bedforaweektodilutethe‘shop shine’
STITCHED UPBIG TIME
REDMOND’S RANT REAR GUARD
EVERYBODY
LOVES
REDMONDbefore Itentativelyintroduce
it tomycycleofabuse and
mistreatment.Notliking
new gear reduces meto
having to fix/repair my old
riding gear.
This morning Ihadto
repair my jacket.Riding a
noblesteedacrossthesurface
oftheEarthputsmein
metaphysicalcontactwith theComanche
or allows me to romanticise/replicate the
movementanddramaofGenghisKhanbut
hating new gear whacks this housecat
behind the throttle of a Empisal overlocker!
BeforeIfireupthe overlocker, Igrab a
fewstubbiesofMGSthenspit and swear
just to hit a couple of ball-swingingtouch
stones. Twenty-fiveminutesintomy
overlocker housecat moto,Ihavea
genuine crusty, non-shineyjacket ready to
servemeforanother12months,butalasI
cannotsithereravingabout sewing
machinesasIneedtogodoaburnoutin
mySS.IfIdonotgofrythetreadsoffmy
ute, I mayjustgoogle ‘DIYpantspattern
for overlocker’!WHO IS REDMOND? HE’S A BEER DRINKING, DIRTBIKING, UTE DRIVING ALL-ROUND GOOD AUSSIE BLOKE WHO LOVES ADB.
HE’S MADE US LAUGH FOR YEARS SO WE THOUGHT WE’D SHARE THE LAUGHS HE GIVES US WITH YOU, EVERY MONTH!
WhenIamforcedtobuynewgear
I throw it in the tray of my ute or in
my dog’s bed for a week
DAMN... IF YA want something done, ya
gotta do it yaself...
IhavebeenreadingADBBsince GE [that’s
foundingeditorGeoffEldridge,kids].I
have largely ignored tech tips as I find
maintenanceasboringanddirtyasan$ 80
middayhooker...butlikeNeilsays“comes
atime”... andnow I would liketofinally
addmy articletothetechtipsection.
It does not relate to exciting
components such as spoke tension or fork
oil levels but rather pork. Yep, that tasty
animal.EachmonthwhenIbuythe new
ADBBIheadintomyshed,switchoffthe
phone andreadevery wordbutIget
hungry aroundpage30andhavetostop
andgo getfood.
So,tosaveallyougood folk the trouble,
Iwould like to submit my ‘tech tip’ for
reading an entireADBBwithout hunger.
Pork.Getaslabo’porkbelly. Cutbraids
andplait.Whackon salt.Whackon olive oil.
Jam in oven for onehour at 180 degrees.
When ready, take new mag and crispy
porkbellyintoshedandholditflatladies..
it’s about damn time someone started
talkingaboutporkintechtips. Long
overdue...buuuuurp.. cuse me!http://www.adbmag.com.au JUNE 2017| 193