ELLE.COM.AU / @ELLEAUS 69
Photography: Jason Lloyd-Evans
Addictive, and at times annoying – like when
youreturn to your charging phone after running out
to ę śś
among 10 people, two of which are unknown
numbers, discussing the tedious carpool details of
a girls’ weekend that’s still three months away.
Athread can start spontaneously, but you never know
when, how or if it will end.
“Unsubscribe!” my friend Margot has been known
to text the second there are more than three messages
aminute on a group thread. “Unless you’re sharing
news about a huge life milestone or sending a quick
update as to where we should all meet later,
unsubscribeme, please,” she tells me, adding that
group texting reminds her of pointless MSN banter
back in high school. “It’s impersonal, fragmented.” My
co-worker Emily echoes her sentiment: “My need to
feel connected to my entire dad’s side of the family is
ęŗŝś¡
a 30-minute time period.”
Often, it’s logistics rather than banter that actually
spark a group message. “Hey ladies, just connecting
you all so you can arrange rides to my hen’s!”
Sometimes, these threads serve their purpose and taper
ěǯ ǰ ǰ ¢ ǯ
was the case with a thread I started over a year ago
connecting the remnants of The G Chain crew with
¢Ȃ ǯ ȃĴ ¢
can let us know when Mary goes into labour!” was my
simple request. She had a baby boy, and we’ve since
sent roughly 4,000 texts on that chain.
O ěǰ – not the only husband in our
group, but the only one on that
text thread – tells me heenjoys
being included, despite the
occasional onslaught of our
inside jokes or TMI regarding
Tinder matches. “I like to insert
myself at appropriate times –
send something funny,” he
says,Ĵ¢¢
him when something good is
ǰ ę
are ěǯ ǰ ǰ s
the chain is more valuable than annoying. “It
recordsthe important moments, like the anxiety and
support we shared the night Trump was elected or
learning about an engagement.”
It’s true: as frustrating ę
can be when you’re not in the mood, it can also be
¢ęǯǰ
as humans seekconnection, and our ability to connect
is evolving along with technology. “As the means
through which we can keep in touch gets easier,
the technology itself becomes largely invisible,”explains David Amerland, an international speaker,
analyst and tech expert Ȃ Ĵ
books about social media and the internet. He argues
that as technology becomes more advanced, it’s
bringing humanity to the surface more, not less.
“Because technology is alot more intentional in its
usage thanthe ‘real world’, which by necessity places
us in alocal and a social group, it also demands more
ě ǰ and trustworthy. Like
any communication medium that’s new, it needs to
mature, which actually means that we do.”
In that case, “Unsubscribe!” is probably just
a growing pain. Everyone I spoke to had gripes
about group messaging, but if anything, those
gripesmirrored real-life social anxieties about group
interaction more than the technology itself: FOMO
when the group is planning a dinner you can’t make
it to or irritation when the chief bridesmaid makes it
allabout herself.
So really, we should navigate group texting with the
same intuition that we’d employ in any group scenario.
“I can always tell when someone on the thread is
feeling down or going through a rough spot because
they won’t be as active,” my friend Will says. “It
mirrors real life, when you don’t really feel present
because you’re a bit depressed.” That’s why it works
best with people you’re already close to (hence,
unknown numbers are the worst), and even then,
feelings can be hurt. Recently, a friend was surprised to
learn another friend was engaged. She was hardly
comforted when I observed, “Oh, you weren’t on that
group text?” (It can be hard to keep track.)All you need to do is take control: make sure
you message the right group the right info, be
sensitive,be funny and, for the love of God, put your
phone on silent when stepping into a meeting – or
Ĵ ¢ǰ ¢ ¢
silent. Catch up on all the absurdity, and possible
milestones, during your commute home. Chances
are, ¢ ¢ Ȃ ę
steps or an LOL-worthy screen grab followed by
on-point reactions from your funniest friends, it’ll be
worth it. And if it isn’t? Unsubscribe, but do it at your
own risk – those frenzied texts could hold material
fora future wedding toast.TIMES WHEN MUTING NOTIFICATIONS – RATHER THAN LEAVING
THE CONVERSATION – MIGHT SAVE YOUR SANITY
✦You’re in your
boyfriend’s family
chain but don’t share
their enthusiasm for
discussing what’s
happening onThe Voice.✦One of your best friends
has just discovered
a new Facebook
Messenger in-app game
(the kind that notifies
you every time someoneplays) and will likely
spend the next few hours
trying to get a high score.
✦You and your family
are road-tripping to
Byron in a convoy, butyour mum insists on
narrating the drive –
“Keep an eye out, Big
Banana on the left!” –
even though you’re
literally one car behind.