JUNE 2017COSMOPOLITAN 85
THE RESURRECTED GHOSTSorry for
dropping off for
a little while...
SPELLING BAE Get the correct form of “your/you’re” right!
Research shows that spelling communicates two messages: the
one being sent and the kind of person sending it, says Jean Berko
Gleason, PhD, professor emerita at Boston University—i.e., sloppy
words = sloppy person. But the rules are reversed for punctuation,
since it expresses emotion. Ending a text with a period can make
you seem less sincere, so use “!” or “?” or leave out an end mark.YOU THINK: Palm to
forehead. What
are we, digital
buddies? Ask
me out already!
YOUR REPLY: Offer
up an idea he’ll
have to either
accept or refuse,
says Spira.
Include a men-
tion of some-
thing he’s said in
the past, like,
“Hey, it went
great! BTW, I
know you’ve been
wanting to see a
concert. This
band is playing
Friday night, and
I’m going. Want
to join?” You’re
throwing out a
concrete invite
and making it
clear you’re not
waiting around
for him—you’ll be
rocking out and
having a great
time either way.
The next move is
clearly up to him.THE TMI TEXTER
Was so productive today...
prepped lasagna for din,
went to the foot doc for my
fungus, and now releasing
the day in the bathroom lol.YOU THINK: Wow!
Things I did not
need to know?
All of the above.
YOUR REPLY: Send:
“Really busy right
now, but can’t
wait to see you
Tuesday, we’ll
catch up then.”
Then in person,
you can gently
ask him to tone it
down by saying,
“I love the things
you’re sharing,but I feel bad that
I can’t always
respond. Just a
heads-up, I don’t
have much time
to text during the
day,” says Post.
You’re letting him
know that you like
hearing from
him, but there’s a
time and place
for lengthy or in-
depth convos—
and it’s not on
iMessage.5 EMOJI RULES
TO FOLLOW
1
Beware the unintentional
use of suggestive emoji.
His mind isn’t going to read
+ as meaning your
kitty just licked you.2
When in doubt, less is
more. See if you can take an
emoji out of the equation.
Emoticons, like “;)”? Just
don’t. They can read creepy
and so 2004.
3
With a new boo,
save the , , and
for after you’ve DTRed.
Yeah, it’s dumb, but
sending them too soon
could spook him.4
If you’re writing
something sarcastic,
add a or.
Otherwise, your joke may
seem hella rude.5
If you’re an Apple and he’s
an Android, forgo any
emoji. They often come up
as awkward symbols. Try
haha or lol instead.YOU THINK: How convenient. Just when
I’m starting to get over him, he pops
back up. Here comes the rush of
super confusing emotions.
YOUR REPLY: “Yeah, you disappeared
there. Should I take that to mean I
can move on to other guys?” Finding
out that you have options may spur
his competitive side, says Lizzie Post,
copresident at the Emily Post Insti-
tute. But if you don’t want to let him
off the hook easily, go with a blunt
“Really?” As Spira says, “He needs to
do the heavy lifting, and a one-word
response sets the tone for that.”THE PEN PAL
How’s your
day going?
LMK how the
presentation
went!