The only time
when a surprise
eclair is a bad thing104 ·^ COSMOPOLITAN
itting in a white-walled villa, I look
down at ‘my’ body. I am perched
on a metal chair and am (rather
unusually for me) wearing a white
T-shirt and black trousers. Stranger
still is that kneeling in front of me
is a beautiful nun. She looks up and
catches my gaze. Then she starts to
talk in breathy, lusty tones. She says
something about wanting to confess
“impure thoughts” to me, before
explaining how she wants to make
amends for them. She reaches out.
I watch her unzip my black trousers,
pop out ‘my’ erection and then
starts... well, you know what. “Am
I doing it right? I hope I’m good
enough for you...”
I’ve never harboured a nun fetish,
but I’m soon feeling the familiar,
heavy buzz of arousal. This has
got to stop.
I pull off the headset that has
transported me into this most surreal
of scenarios, one I’m embarrassingly
helpless to resist, and, bam, I’m
back in a sun-soaked, coastal-view
apartment on the outskirts of
Barcelona. Just minutes before,
a man called Xavi Clos, from local
porn-production company BaDoink,
lowered a Samsung Gear virtual reality
(VR) headset onto me. He’d grinned,
like he was about to blow my mind- which is exactly what he did.
Now, a few feet away, he’s
chuckling. I couldn’t physically feel
the blow job, obviously, but the sights
and sounds were so real that I had to
stop before things got out of hand.
I’m ricocheting between feeling
amazed, amused, disturbed and more
than a little guilty. I have a long-term
girlfriend back in the UK – did I,
uh, just sort of cheat on her? Because
that went way beyond the passive
experience of consuming porn – it was
intimate, interactive, immersive, and
I was a central, active part of it.
When I tell my girlfriend about the
experience later that day, she admits
to feeling unsettled and angered.
Thankfully I get a pass because, y’know,
journalism. But it’s a deeply awkward
conversation, and one that increasing
numbers of people are going to be
having, because VR porn is exploding
in popularity, which means a lot of
partners are about to be unknowingly
walked in on while diddling away
with a headset on. BaDoink can
barely keep up with its sky-rocketing
94% male membership, and the UK
is the company’s third-biggest market,
behind the US and Australia*. The
entry costs are next to nothing:
a headset is no longer a flashy