Mens Health Australia May 2017

48 MAY 2017

HEALTH

Full House

Nothing crowds a calendar like a house teeming with kids. Here’s

how one dad is planning to shoe-horn sweat into his schedule

[BY ANDREW McUTCHEN]

YOUR CONCEPT OF TIMEchanges when you

have kids. Settling a crying child reminds you

just how punishingly long 15 minutes can

be. An hour to yourself is the most cherished

of things. And a couple of quiet beers with a

mate is as golden as the liquid itself.

Having your time monopolised by a

suckling creature leads to a stocktake of all

time spent. From there, cuts are made. One

of the first things to go is travel time. Pardon

the dadbod pun, but I found the time around

a gym visit, rather than the session itself,

was the “fat” in my schedule. There was an

hour a day, all things told, I could get back if I

found another way.

The obvious solution was a home gym. But

unlike Chris Hemsworth, I don’t have a spare

wing for an all-body fitness palace. I have

a four-bedroom house (heaving with three

children and a wife) on 700 square metres

with no garage. Ingenuity is the key to the

modern home gym. We were in the midst of

renovations at the time, so I finagled a small

shelter attached to the back of the house for

the basics.

Now I needed to get serious about the kind

of exercise I was doing – and the equipment

I’d need. The days of long, loping runs on

nearby Beach Road were well and truly over.

Hell, the Robin Sharma method of “Be Wise,

Early Rise” doesn’t hold true when you’re

rising every few hours through the night to

salve bad dreams, change nappies or dream

feed a blob. A new dad is well advised to

stock up on sleep when and where (couch,

toddler bed, floor next to cot) you can get it.

I asked around about the ultimate bang-

for-buck exercises. I reflected on the best

shape I’d ever been in (Facebook can be so

cruel with its reminders of the pre-kids you)

and what I’d been doing at the time. I came

up with a boxing bag (as far away from the

kids’ bedrooms as possible), an exercise bike

(it’s noiseless, so easy to punch out while the

screamers sleep), some free weights (also in

the shelter), and – in a desperate bid to use

some soon-to-expire Frequent Flyer points

• a sleek water rower like the one Kevin
  Spacey uses inHouse of Cards. No doubt it
  will look even more stylish when it’s been
  heavily graffitied by a range of crayons and
  permanent Textas.
  You’ll note that when you’re living the
  #dadlife it’s not just about maximising
  kilojoule burn – it’s also about minimising
  noise. Battle ropes? Forget it. Med-ball
  slams? No chance. But, to be completely
  transparent, I’m not sure how whisper quiet
  the water rower will be because it’s, um, still
  in the box. Why? I calculate I’ll need at least
  one day for installation and then I’ll need to
  actually, you know, use it. Rowing? Shudder.
  After all, this war is ongoing, and as General
  Sherman so eloquently phrased it, war is hell.

‘‘When you’re living

the #dadlife it’s

not just about

maximising kilojoule

burn – it’s also about

minimising noise”

BACKYARD BLITZ

According toMHNext Top

Trainer winner Ethan Hyde, for

maximum burn in minimum

time, nothing beats the brutal

Tabata protocol (20 secs on,

10 secs off, repeat 8 times).

Cycle through the below four

exercises twice for one circuit.

Complete 3 circuits total,

resting 2 mins between each.

ROWING

Aimtoclockatleast100m

KETTLEBELL SWINGS

Aim for 12 reps with a 20kg ’bell

BOXING

Keep punches long and straight

CYCLING

Ramp up the resistance and

get out of the saddle

PHOTOGRAPHY: PHILIP LE MASURIER