T“I had been best friends with Sammy since we were in year
five. We did everything together and, as Sammy used to tell
everyone, we even kinda look the same. Sammy is super loud
and outgoing – she wants to be a famous actress or a singer and
everyone is always telling her how amazing she is. TBH, she
is really talented. I’m also into singing and drama, but I’m not
as confident as Sammy. She always scores the lead role in the
school musical and I always get a minor role. I wouldn’t ever say
anything, but of course I get a bit jealous. I think what made it
worse was that Sammy would constantly say things like, “I have
to learn so many lines – it’s easy for you, you hardly have any!”
I guess coz she’s super confident, it also means she finds it
easy to talk to guys, whereas I get nervous and awkward. She
knew I really liked this guy called Nick, who was in the musical
with us. I was way too scared to let him know I liked him, but
Sammy said she would handle it and discreetly suss out the
sitch. Then one day, we were all waiting around at rehearsal
and in front of everyone she said how I was only doing the show
because I had a crush on Nick. When I got upset she said,
‘He already knows! I told him you
were obsessed with him last night.’
I was so upset and embarrassed.
I couldn’t understand why she
would do that to me.When I told our other friend Helena, she
pointed out that Sammy always bosses me around
and that I just do everything she says and that she
makes fun of me all the time and that I never say
anything. When Helena said this, I realised it had
been going on for years. I’ve always felt like I have
to go along with the jokes Sammy makes about
me, even though they hurt or embarrass me,
coz I didn’t want to lose her as a friend.”
Chelsea’s story is very familiar to Kim, who
has heard the same sort of thing from hundreds
of girls. She explains, “With girls there can be a
lot of ‘mind games’ with small, mean comments
and behaviour over a long period of time. It can also be ‘indirect’,
where the girl being bullied knows she feels uncomfortable
but isn’t sure if she’s being bullied or not as it’s very subtle.”
This explains why Chelsea didn’t see the signs herself.
Sometimes, even when we do recognise that a friend is
bullying us, we ignore it. There are several reasons this happens;
no one likes to think their friend would treat them like that so
they often let it slide. Or we think that teasing is a normal part
of friendships – which is true if it’s harmless banter, but if it’s
hurtful, then it’s not OK.
In most cases, Kim has found that girls are worried if they
say anything they will be kicked out of the group and have
no friends. To this Kim says, “Nothing is worth crushing your
confidence and self-esteem. I guarantee if you step away from
your bully friend, it won’t take long until a new, better and
kinder person takes her place.”
If this sounds familiar, remember, friends are supposed to
be there to help make things easier, not harder. If your friend
does not accept and love you for who you are, and is constantly
putting you down and making you feel bad about yourself, then
they are not a friend. Sometimes, you have to be your own best
friend and stand up or yourself.Your bestie is meant
to be your biggest
supporter, but what
happens when she’s the
one tearing you down?When your
is your
BULLY
BFF
m
ovies and TV shows always depict that
stereotypical mean girl who everyone can see
is a total b*tch from a mile away. But IRL it often
isn’t so easy to spot the mean girl – sometimes
she hides in plain sight. Sometimes she’s even
your best friend. In fact, teenage expert and founder of Standing Strong
(girlsstandingstrong.com, a wellness club for girls), Kim Smith, explains
that most cases of bullying occur between friendship groups, rather than
random outsiders, “especially in close friendships. It’s very easy for harmless
jokes or ongoing mucking around to turn into hurtful bullying.”
CHELSEA, 16, EXPERIENCED
THIS WITH HER BFF.
Nothing is worth crushing your confidence and
self-esteem. I guarantee if you step away from
your bully friend, it won’t take long until a new,
better and kinder person takes her place.girlfriend.com.au 62 girlfriendMAG