Sarah’s story is not unique. According to Nina Funnell,
an ambassador for The Full Stop Foundation, it’s a
‘very deliberate technique’ and it can be terrifying.
‘Rapists, following an assault, send a Facebook friend
request, a text message or an email to their victim,
acting friendly to try to undermine their victim’s sense
of reality about what occurred,’ she says. ‘It makes
the victim doubt themselves and question if what
really happened was in fact sexual assault or rape.
It’s extending the violation that was present within
the assault itself and taking it into an online space
by letting them know I’m here; I’m still able to reach
you.’ Funnell says the main thing to remember is
that you have choices. You can choose to report
the perpetrator to the police, but you don’t have
to. There are options, including counselling
support. ‘As confusing and terrifying as it
is to get a friend request from someone
who has sexually assaulted you, you
are not alone,’ she says. ‘This is
not a one-off incident. This is a
known tactic, and support
is always available.’weight lift off me and I opened
my eyes. He put his clothes back
on, tied the condom up and stuffed
it into his pocket. He walked out and
I heard the front door shut. I lay
there, clutching my chest, crying.
I spent the rest of the weekend
in isolation. I didn’t tell a soul. On
Sunday, my f latmates returned and
noticed I was in pain when I took a
deep breath. I told them I bruised
my rib falling down the stairs.THE NEXT DAY I SAW THE FRIEND
REQUEST FROM MICHAEL. My heart
stopped and I started to shake. I ran
to the bathroom to vomit. Why is
he doing this? Why does he want to be
my friend after hurting me so badly?
Should I tell someone? They won’t
believe me. I have no evidence, besides
a bruised rib. It’s my fault because I let
him stay the night. I went back to my
computer screen and clicked ‘Block’.
I never wanted to see his face again.
I wanted to forget what happened
and move on.The day after, in class, Lucy
came up to me and wanted to
know ‘all the goss’ from Friday
night. I told her Michael slept on
the sofa and nothing happened.
She believed me. And for a second,
I almost believed it as well.IT’S BEEN TWO YEARS SINCE THAT
NIGHT and I still have nightmares
about Michael. I wish I had been
strong enough to report his crime
but my counsellor says I can’t keep
beating myself up about it. The
thing that always gets me about it
is that he wanted to be my friend
on Facebook. It made me question
everything about that night for
weeks and weeks, but I now know
that that is exactly what he wanted.
It’s a tactic used by rapists to make
you question everything and even
believe that they are your friend.
But really he’s a monster. And he’ll
always be one. #W H Y DO
R A P IS T S
SEND FRIEND
REQUESTS?
Far from a one-off action, perpetrators
use Facebook to mess with their victim...THERE’S SOMETHING
SINISTER BEHIND SOME
FRIEND REQUESTS...If you or someone
you know has
experienced
sexual assault,
you can call
*NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED. AS TOLD TO SHARI NEMENTZIK. STOCKSY 1800RESPECT.
COSMOPOLITAN SEPTEMBER 2017 101