point you’ll do things that are
completely unnecessary just to
have minor contact with them.’
It’s just harmless fun, you say.
And yeah, we agree to an extent.
Every relationship has its own
threshold or ‘line’ when it comes
to what constitutes cheating. But
micro-cheating shows that you’re
thinking about the attentions of
someone who isn’t your partner,
and that’s not cricket. Just think
about the motivation behind that
red lip you’re rocking to work, out
of the norm, because Kirk from
accounting is in. How would your
partner feel if they knew that was
the reason behind the rouge?
‘The line is crossed when you
realise the things you are saying
to someone else – or the actions
you’re doing – would feel quite
hurtful if your partner knew,’ says
relationship therapist Amanda Joy
Robb. ‘That, or when it interferes
with your own relationship, such
as if you’re paying more attention
to this person than your partner,
or when you start to delete text
messages in case your partner
reads them.’THE FLIP SIDE
What if you’re reading this and
wondering whether your partner
is engaging in a little micro-
cheating of their own? It could
be hard to pick the signs when
they’re not actually cheating and
doing things that would provide
more obvious and concrete signs.
‘If you think your partner
might be micro-cheating, bring it
up from a position where it is a
negative characteristic of you,’
says Spierings. ‘For example: “I
feel insecure when you contact
this girl” or “When I see you
commenting a lot on this girl’ssocial media posts, I worry about
our relationship.” If he cares about
you he’ll want you to feel secure
and take your worries away.’USE IT TO YOUR
ADVANTAGE
Let’s f lip the switch: a little micro-
cheating could throw a buoy to a
f loundering relationship. When
used wisely, it can potentially
benef it your relationship.
‘It could show you that, I’ve
still got it, people find me attractive
and are into me,’ says Spierings.
‘This could make you feel more
confident and, in turn, you bring
this confidence into your relation-
ship. On top of that, your partner
gets a message that, Wow, others
find my partner attractive and it
ignites a fire that tells them you
are their partner and no one else’s.’
Robb agrees that ‘harmless
f lirting is fun and can be shared
with your partner, but not when
it interferes and gets in the way
of your romantic feelings’ in the
relationship. There’s the giveaway- if you feel you can’t engage in
this behaviour in the company of
your SO, you should back away.
‘Harmless f lirting can occur
in front of a partner, or can be
disclosed to them in a way that’s
not a big deal,’ says Robb, whereas
‘emotional cheating is secretive.’
When it’s unequivocally, most-
definitely a no-no? If you have a
past with this person. If you’ve
dated or had sex, do not entertain
the idea of f lirtation. We repeat:
do.not.go.there.girl.friend. #
‘IT’S JUST
HARMLESS
FUN, YOU
SAY. AND
YEAH, WE
AGREE TO
AN EXTENT’WORDS BY MEL EVANS. TRUNK ARCHIVE
?
?
COSMOPOLITAN SEPTEMBER 2017 143
sex & relationships