‘I asked my boyfriend what
his fantasy was, and he told
me that he’s always wanted
to walk through the door from
work and have me be there to
immediately rip off his pants
and give him an epic blowjob.
So, a few weeks later, I
decided to turn his fantasy
into a reality. I got home early,
showered, changed into my
favourite lingerie and waited
patiently for him. When I heard
the key in the door, I ran over
to be there waiting for him.
As soon as he walked in, I
grabbed his pants, unbuttoned
them and yanked them down.
He knew exactly what was
happening, so he got hard
right way. I pulled down his
underwear and went in, with
great force, to give him the
best blowjob of his life. I
missed the mark completely,
though, and his penis poked
me straight in the eye. I fell
back and lay on the floor,
clutching my eye in pain. He
had to zip up and rush to the
chemist to get me eye drops.
Fantasy ruined.’ ASHLEIGH*, 29*NAMES HAVE BEEN CHANGED. COMPILED
BY SHARI NEMENTZIK. GETTY IMAGES
‘In my attempt to spice things up on our
anniversary, I purchased some risqué
lingerie and planned a romantic night in.
Everything was going smoothly until we got
into the bedroom. I derobed at the base of
the bed and attempted what I call a “SEXY
CRAWL” between his legs to kiss him, but I
misjudged the distance and kneed him right
in the nuts. He YELLED OUT IN PAIN
and I spent the night apologising, while
holding an ice pack to his balls.’ EMMA*, 29
‘I met a cute guy at
a bar and decided to
bring him home. We
had great sex but
then he started
to CRY SOFTLY
afterwards. I didn’ t
know what to do,
so I just said
goodnight, kissed
him and went to
sleep. When I woke
up, he was gone,
but I felt a WET
PAT CH in the bed.
I leant in to smell it
and he had peed.’
AMY*, 32
‘One drunken night I
stumbled home to my
sleeping boyfriend and
decided to wake him up
with a blowjob. I started
kissing his penis, which
he happily woke up to.
We were getting really
into it when all of a
sudden I vomited. It was
all over him. The smell of
vomit made him gag so
much that he vomited
too. We spent the night
washing the sheets and
ourselves.’ KELLY*, 26‘My boyfriend and
I had wanted to try
BUTT PLAY for a
while and one tipsy
night I worked up
the courage to let
him finger my butt.
He lubed me up
and, starting
slowly, he worked
up to three fingers.
It felt amazing as
I was also using a
vibrator on my clit,
but he started to go
in and out faster
and I URGENTLY
felt the need to poo.
I couldn’ t control it
and there and then
my bowels let go
- all over his hand.
We haven’ t tried
it again because
I cringe at the
thought of it
happening again.’
SARAH*, 23
‘I was on my way to
meet my boyfriend for
a sexy weekend when
I heard my name called
over the loud speaker
of the airport terminal.
I went to the Qantas
desk with my mum,
who had given me a lift,
and they said there was
something going off in
my bag. We followed
the crew to the
baggage sorting area.
I saw my suitcase
vibrating across the
floor. I opened my bag
in front of 10 staffers
and my mum. It was an
extra-powerful vibrator
I had purchased for my
getaway.’ BIANCA*, 28‘I was at house party with my
girlfriend and we decided to
have a quickie in one of the
bedrooms. We were going like
rabbits when all of a sudden
I looked down and there was
blood everywhere. I assumed
my girlfriend got her period,
but when I pulled out I realised
it was me – I had snapped my
banjo string! My girlfriend had
to rush downstairs to call a
friend up because we didn’t
know what to do. There I was,
pants down, covered in blood.
They took me to the ER, after
I made an embarrassing exit
through the party...’ JAMES, 31‘I was having sex with my boyfriend when I
ACCI DEN TA L LY MOA N ED the name of
a male colleague we’ d just had drinks with
earlier in the day. It was an INNOCENT
MISTAKE but I was mortified – needless
to say, that killed the mood.’ SIANA*, 24
y boyfriend and
d wanted to try
UTTPLAYYf
sex & relationships