‘CAN WE NOT
TA L K A B O U T
MY BODY’
ONCE, EARLY IN MY
CAREER, an interviewer
asked me, ‘Where do you find
your confidence? A colleague
of yours said that it’s out of
this world and you’re either an
alien or you have no idea what
you look like.’ I don’t remember
my response, but I remember
finishing the interview crying.
After that embarrassing
exchange, my mum wanted
to know why I hadn’t told the
reporter I got my confidence
from her. My mum is great.
She’s super fun and interesting,
and she loves me as best as
she can. But she did not give
me confidence. She has hurt
me many times in my life – as
many times as I’ve hurt her, I’m
sure. So I won’t be giving her
or anyone else credit for the
confidence I’ve achieved.
My brand of confidence is
personal. It involves shutting
out all the hurtful things that
people have said about and to
me. That includes things said
by my family. But what I’velearnt is that hurtful
words aren’t the only
threat to my sanity.
Positive feedback
wrecks me too.
Last May, I had weight
loss surgery, and I’ve been
losing weight ever since. The
people in my life who love me
are all proud, and that’s fine.
But strangers who’ve noticed
my metamorphosis just assume
I finally got myself a mirror
and decided to get healthy.
They comment on how good
I finally look. They say things
like, ‘I always thought you were
beautiful, but you’re even more
beautiful now.’
The comments are meant
to bolster my selfconfidence,
but they make me want to hide
in a piece of cake or dive into
a pool of icecream – to be any
where but with strangers who
think it’s appropriate to share
their opinions about my body.
I don’t yet know why those
comments make me want to
reverse all the work I’ve done.I know I’m still in the middle
of my body struggles. This is
not the beginning and not the
end. If I were battling drugs,
mental illness or cancer, then
people would be careful about
what they say to me. I’m not
sure why my changing body
is an invitation to discuss food,
kilos, workouts, or how you
can ‘finally see’ my face now
that it’s thinner. I actually don’t
want to talk about it. I have to
block out the ‘compliments’ as
I block out negative comments,
since they’re just as dangerous.So no, I’m not
an alien. My confidence isn’t
made from a magic potion, nor
is it anything other people can
give me. It is something I wall
myself inside with no door, and
everyone else must stand out
side it. My confidence is a safe
haven – a tower for me alone.
Harsh words, compliments
and disappointment come at
me like wrecking balls, and
when they do, the bricks start
to crumble and I have to re
build. In an attempt to discover
what makes my walls strong,
people chip at the bedrock and
compromise the foundation.
I stay steadfast at rebuilding
even as they try to demolish it.
It’s not magic. It’s not out of
this world. My confidence is
nothing if not persistent. #There, I’ve said it
(Cosmo lets a passionate voice sound off)
The Oscar-nominated actress explains
how she guards her self-confidence from
intrusive comments on a daily basis
WORDS BY GABOUREY SIDIBE. WIREIMAGECHECK OUT
GABBY’S
BOOK, THIS IS
JUST MY
FACE: TRY
NOT TO STARE.‘I HAVE TO BLOCK OUT
THE “COMPLIMENTS”
AS I BLOCK OUT
NEGATIVE COMMENTS’