OCTOBER 2017 GQ.CO.ZA 85Now it seems as if writing memoirs is
a form of initiation into some kind of
celebrity super-wealth fraternity. Th e
younger you are when you write your
book, the wealthier you become over time.
Th e age-old adage of old-aged authors is
no more. Justin Bieber was 16 when he
wrote First Step 2 Forever: My Story and is
now worth an estimated $225 million.
Miley Cyrus, worth $160 million, was
16 when she wrote Miles to Go. Britney
Spears, worth $185 million, was 18 when
she wrote Heart to Heart. Hundreds of
celebrities around the world have joined
the ranks of the memoir-millionaires club
and now it seems as if our very ownCOMEDY
SPECIALWords by Mamello ‘Mum-z’ Mokoena
One SA comedian’s take on why famous people
and autobiographies don’t always go together
Shame
of Th rones
I thought
celebrities only
wrote memoirs
when their
career in the
limelight was
over, they had
received that
career-ending
‘Lifetime
achievement
award’, they
wanted to make
a public
apology where
14 0 cha r ac ter s
on Twitter was
just not enough
or they were
diagnosed with
some kind of
life-threatenin
disease that
compelled
them to have to
refl ect on the
achievements
of their life,
while
expressing
some kind of
existential
realisation that
they felt they
needed to share
with the world
before they
kicked the
proverbial
bucket.
However, this
particular type
of book is a bit
predictable
because you
know how the
story ends.
#spoileralert
Th ey die!
Bonang Matheba, Somizi
Mhlongo and Trevor Noah
are pledging for this super
exclusive fraternity.
But much like any
fraternity, not all the
pledges will make the cut.
First they need to survive
the ‘hazing’. Th e pedia of
Wiki explains hazing as
‘the practice of rituals
involving abuse orhumiliation as a way of
initiating a person into a club.’
I have taken it upon myself to
evaluate the amount of
humiliation each of our South
African candidates has gone
through and if it will be enough
for them to make it into this
prestigious club. Only one
candidate will be selected for
the club, we will have to see
who of the three will be the
best candidate for the Shame
of Th rones.
So let’s start off with the most
prolifi c of the three candidates.Trevor Noa h
suff ered
a confusing
childhood
fraught with
identity crisis and racial
taunts, and endured a long,
awkward, occasionally tragic
and frequently humiliating
education in the aff airs of
the heart.LGBT personality
Somizi Mhlongo
stormed out of
Grace Bible
Church because
the pastor
publically condemned
homosexuality. He was
accused and found guilty of
sexual assault in 2007. His
hairstyles have been ridiculed
for years (and rightly so).Now for Queen
B. Being a black
African female
coconut with
bad grammar
defi nitely gives her
exponential shame points.
When Black Twitter criticises
a coconut on how dodg y her
sentence structure is, you
know it’s bad.Paul W
Downs
Writer and star of
Rough Night and
Broad City
What’s the last thing that
made you laugh?A
clip of Naomi
Ekperigin doing
stand-up I had
already watched
three times. After watching
10 000 hours of procedurals
on TV, Naomi has a tip for
white women: ‘All you Megans,
Sarahs and Lindsays – if you
want to avoid a serial killer,
you got to stop with the
jogging at dawn and dusk. >>