New Idea — 14 August 2017

S

aturday might look like

this: drive first child to

soccer, drive second

child to dance, grocery

shopping, purchase gift for

birthday, take child to party,

laundry, help with

homework.

Previous generations

did all this along with

preserving and sewing and

never complained, but our

generation has to cope with

different stresses. I don’t see

it as a competition, but I’m

heartened to hear that new

research on resilience

shows that if a mother is to

be an effective parent, she

must receive consistent

replenishment herself.

Researchers in Arizona

found that well-educated

mothers were especially

high risk for stress because

they tended to spend a lot

of time devoted to their

children’s care and

activities. High verbal

intelligence is also linked

with a tendency to

worry.

Keen to

discover

whether

greater

support

and connections might

reduce stress, the

researchers started

a program with a group

of hospital staff mothers.

Every week, one group

attended a one-hour group

session with other mothers

while a control group was

given one hour of free time.

After three months, the

women who took part in

the ‘Authentic Connections’

program showed greater

improvements on

depression and overall

distress compared to those

who were given free time

and experienced a greater

reduction in cortisol (stress

hormone) levels.

Study lead Dr Suniya

Luthar said the program

helped mothers develop

what she called ‘go-to

committees’ – at least two

adults other than partners

with whom they felt close.

She says: ‘Too often

mums put their own needs

on the backburner after

attending to the sundry

demands at work and at

home. It simply makes sense

that those who serve as first

responders and offer so

much tending for many

others, must themselves be

tended... on a reliable and

ongoing basis.’

With most workplaces

yet to offer such a resource,

it’s important that mothers

build strong networks with

other mothers and take care

of themselves.

As actress and mother-

of-two Natalie Portman

says: ‘If you have one bad

day, don’t let it define you.

Give yourself a break –

literally and figuratively.

It’s easy to forget that but

it’s so important.’

A great tip is to treat

yourself as you would a

friend who’s struggling.

You’d undoubtedly be

gentler towards them than

you are to yourself.

Finally, use a mantra

that helps you get through

the day. I like: ‘You can

only do what you can do’

and ‘Good enough is

good enough’.

Need a break? Take some time out

and have a laugh by checking out

The Flawsome Mum page at

facebook.com/theflawsomemum.

THE FLAWSOME MUM

Mum-of-two and social

commentator Angela

Mollard guides you through the

thrills and spills of parenthood

I’ve been highly sceptical of fidget spinners but

I recently had a play with a fidget cube and have to

admit there’s something both fun and calming about

the sensory features that let your fingers flip, glide,

spin and click little buttons. Apparently the fidget cube

was the toy that started the trend and was originally

designed to help kids relieve stress while increasing

productivity. The jury is still out on that, but I love the

Fidget Cube from Zuru toys ($14.99 from toy retailers)

because it’s small enough to fit in a pocket and there’s

an indent on one side called ‘breathe’, where you can

simply rest a finger or thumb.

FIDGETY FUN

Teenagers are less

likely to drink if

their parents show

disapproval,

according to new

research from the

University of Adelaide.

A survey of nearly 3000

students aged 12 to 17 found that

supplying alcohol at home to teenagers

actually increases consumption.

ROLE

MODELS

WHY MUMS

NEED TO BE

WHY MUMS

NEED TO BE

‘mothered’

SOMETIMES

I FEEL I’M ONLY

WHAT I DO

FOR OTHERS

SOMETIMES

I FEEL I’M ONLY

WHAT I DO

FOR OTHERS

‘I’m an only child so

I didn’t grow up with

siblings, and so I had no idea

the beauty that siblings have

with each other. Like, it really is

one of the most incredible things

I’ve ever witnessed. To see how

much they love each other, and

to see how much they’re

excited to see each other.

They’re so in love with

each other, it’s really

beautiful.’

• Charlize Theron, actress
  and mother‑of‑two

NEW

Kids

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