TOP: Tucker Carlson shows aYouTube videoclip of a UFO hovering over Area 51; it’s a water tower.ABOVE LEFT:
One use of the“curious image” spotted by MickWest on the TTSAAS website.ABOVE RIGHT: WhatWest says is
the original image from which the“curious image” is derived – a photograph showing a rocket being launched
from a Norwegian island in 1952.UFO FILES / FLYING SORCERY UFOLOGICALNEWSANDVIEWS32 FT383
STORM AREA 51!
I imagine it is more comfortable to wear
bloomers than to be caught makinga
bloomer, but this is ufology after all, where
you can getaway with almost anything. (For
collectors of useless information, the ladies’
undergarment is so-called not because of
its shape, but after Mrs Amelia J Bloomer
(1818-94),“an American social reformer
who advocated a similargarment” according
to my Oxford dictionary.) Stars and spear-
carriers of ufology have been doing quite well
on the bloomer front lately.
First and most spectacular has been the
suggestion that on 20 September a whole
bunch of people“storm” Area 51 and, one
presumes, drag the aliens hidden there into
the daylight. Thiswas posted on Facebook
by one Matty Roberts – who meant it asa
joke. As might have been clear from this:
“We will all meet up at the Area 51 Alien
Center tourist attraction and coordinate our
entry. If we naruto run, we can move faster
than their bullets. Let’s see them aliens.”
In caseyou didn’t know, a‘naruto run’ is an
eccentric form of locomotion named aftera
Japanese anime character. And he’d better
be a lot quicker than Usain Bolt, given thata
round from an M4/M16 rifle leaves the barrel
at around 3,000ft per second. That could
put a sting inyour tail.
All of this just-a-bit-obvious satire appears
to ha ve gone over the heads of a sizeable
chunk of the ufologically-oriented population:
some two million people had signed up to
join in the storming at the time of writing.
Rather bizarrely (but then I have lived a
sheltered life), the lewd websitePornHub
reported that since this wheeze went viral,
searches on their site for matters related
to sex with aliens had increased by an
astounding 60,000 per cent. Some people
really should be careful what they wish for,
shouldn’t they? Granted, it’s hard to know
how many of those 1.3 million would-be
stormtroopers have signed up jus’ fer the
craic and how many seriously think they
can make a difference to Area 51’s hefty
defences without having an uncomfortable
difference made to themselves. The‘camo
dudes’ are, let’s not forget, authorised
to use deadly force. The US Air Force,
no doubt in hope ofavoiding anything so
embarrassing as bloodshed or evena
broken nose, solemnly intoned that itwas
“ready to protect America and its assets”
and reminded us all that Area 51 is an“open
trainingrange for the US Air Force, and we
would discourage anyone from trying to
come into the area where we train Americanarmed forces” – anexemplary deployment
of military euphemism and understatement.
Personally, I can’twait to see how many
nutters turn up, but do suggest theywatch
their assets.BREAKING THE ELEVENTH
COMMANDMENT
Speaking of Area 51, the irrepressible Nick
Pope has of late not so much ignored the law
of unintended consequences, as broken the
Eleventh Commandment. Back in June, Fox
News commentatorTucker Carlson showed
the world a clip of a ‘UFO’ hovering, or maybe
rising, over the secret base. The video
in questionwas originally posted on the
YouTube channel‘Adventures with Christian’
and was subsequently reproduced in British
tabloids such as theSunandDaily Express.
Nick Pope said he had no idea what itwas,
but itwas “fascinating” and he would be
analysing it“over the next few weeks”. Why
should it take him so long? It’s a goddam’
water tower, visible as such on any number
of shots of the base. Silly boy.
The even less repressibleTom DeLongehas gone one better than that in trampling
the Eleventh Commandment. MickWest
(metabunk.org) noticed a“curious image” on
the TTSAAS website,“looking like a beam of
light shooting up into space.People wonder
if this is meant to represent beamed energy
propulsion.”
West, blessed be he, discovered it’s
possible to resize the picture, revealinga
rather weird structure at the top. Flip that
upside down, though, and it turns out to be
a mountainous island. A Norwegian one, in
fact, and the picture shows a rocket being
fi red togather data on the aurora borealis,
in 1952.––
As West says: “What seems likea
widening beam of light shooting up, is
actually a longexposure of a rocket, going
in the opposite direction (in the image).
Removing context allows all kinds of
speculation,” he ends drily.
Oh, and in case any ofyou were
wondering, the Eleventh Commandment–
long expunged from Biblical texts by killjoy
scholars – reads: “Thou shalt not get
caught.”Beware the unintended consequencesPETER BROOKESMITHsurveys the latest fads and fl aps from the world of ufological research