our insecurities and has devised different
ways of dealing with them. Some blame
others, some withdraw, some deny, some
rationalize, some become stubborn and
some even go to the extent of harming
themselves. We rely on others to affirm
our okay-ness through their recognition
and appreciation, and in the process,
we become enslaved to the opinions of
others.
As children we sought the love and
approval of our parents and teachers
to feel worthwhile. Some of us were
lucky to get an ideal set of parents that
recognized our uniqueness; loved and
encouraged us just as we were. Others
had to struggle with getting their share
of love and acceptance by modifying
themselves to fit into the mould our
parents, teachers and elders created for
us. In trying to fit into this mould we
lost touch with our inherent okay-ness,
the feeling that conveys “I am fine just
as I am.” As a result, our actions were
driven with the need to prove ourselves,
gain recognition and become successful
in the eyes of others, distancing us
further and further from our natural
self.
Some may argue, “Isn’t it a natural
human need to seek love from others?”
I feel a lot of human behavior, that we
believe as natural is unnatural. I feel
something that is natural would lead
us to sustainable joy and contentment.
Most often we are stressed, anxious and
fearful. Our parameter for assessing
‘natural’ is based on what we see
others doing. In other words, natural
often becomes the norm prevailing in
the existing culture. “It is no measure
of health to be well adjusted to a
profoundly sick society” says Jiddu
Krishnamurti, the Indian philosopher.
I do not see everything wrong with
society. I do not see everything right
with it either. Our pursuit for love
from others alienates us from our own-
self. Like the musk deer, we seek the
fragrance of love all around us, not
knowing that the source of fragrance
lies within us.In my journey of discovering my
fragrance, I uncovered some insights.
Purpose. Commitment. Devotion.
These may be three words but they
have a common underlying theme -
the theme of selflessness. When I act
without the desire for personal gain
I become worthy of love. Then love
comes like an exotic bird, sits on my
shoulder and sings its melodious song.
I feel worthy. I gain the love of others
without seeking it. It seems funny that
the very act of disregarding myself in
the service of others makes me worthy
and lovable. Most of us feel if we did
not put ourself first, we would lose
out on opportunities to be successful.
In many ways success and service are
antithetical to each other. When one
pursues service, success comes as a
natural by-product. Such a success is
defined by personal values, not social
beliefs. The mark of such a success is
personal well-being.Bliss, they say, is not an emotion. It
is a state of being. A state in which
the thinking - evaluating - judging -
analyzing - fragmenting mind stops to
reveal our true Self. The gateway to this
inner heaven does not lie in banging
its door and asserting our right to be
let in. The secret to its entry lies in
surrendering our rights in favour of a
loving commitment to selfless service.
As Mahatma Gandhi says, “The best
way to find yourself is to lose yourself
in the service of others.”