Your Family - April 2017

90 yourfamily.co.za

WHY IT’S SO IMPORTANT TO

MAINTAIN YOUR OWN CHARACTER

WITHIN RELATIONSHIPS

‘O

ur identities are made up of multiple and shifting roles.

You can be a working professional, a wife, a mother,

a sister, and a friend all at the same time, and each of

these roles should be valued for what they bring to your life,’

says Liane Lurie, a Parktown-based clinical psychologist.

Each of these relationship dynamics is likely to have an

effect on how you identify with yourself and how your

friends and loved ones see you. ‘It’s important to note that

regardless of the roles you may have in your romantic or

spousal relationship, or parent and child relationships, you’re

not merely a function,’ Liane adds.

She says it’s important that both you and your significant

others see you as part of their lives, but also as having a unique

and separate world they can relate to and that they need to be

sensitive towards.

‘When you limit yourself to one particular role or identity, you

could be putting yourself at risk, in that if something should go

wrong in that space, you may feel as though your entire world is

collapsing around you. This could lead to anxiety and depression

becoming common reactions to the situation.’

Who you are and who you recognise yourself to be is an

ongoing and constantly evolving process of identity formation

through individuation.

WHAT IS INDIVIDUATION?

Individuation is the way you set yourself apart

from everyone else and become an independent,

unique, and separate entity.

LIANE’S FUN FACT

Psychologist Erik Erickson famously

called this adolescent stage ‘identity

versus role confusion’ due to the

frequently used teenage phrase,

‘Nobody understands me’.

During angst-filled teenage years,

adolescents and young adults struggle

with the psychosocial crisis of trying

to discover themselves, who they are,

and what they believe in (identity), and

being extremely unsure of themselves

and where they fit in (role confusion).

Crisis

The identity

‘Our earliest bonds play an important part in our identity

formation and our ability to form and maintain meaningful

connections,’ says Liane. She explains that the process of identity

formation typically speeds up during adolescence as this is

when you begin to see that your own needs and wants can be

the same as, or very different from, those of your parents or

primary caregivers.

‘This is when you try to make sense of who you are and

develop this understanding of yourself into adulthood.’

Liane explains that, although the basis of your identity

might be formed during adolescence and developed further

as you grow older, it’s constantly influenced by the people

around you, your family, your relationships, your cultural and

religious heritage, the impact of your genes and heredity, and

by significant life experiences.

How your true self is formed