reviewsTESTED. REVIEWED. VERDICTIZED
88 MA XIMUMPC JANUARY 2006
D
ear Mom and Dad, You’re prob-
ably looking at the address on
this letter and wondering, “What
is Johnny doing back in Belgium?” Well,
you’re not going to believe it. I got stop-
lossed and am now on my second tour in
the war against fascism! What a bunch of
hooey! The bullet I took in the buttocks in
Bourgogne last year hasn’t even healed
yet, so I have to sit on one of those inflat-
able donuts whenever I ride in a jeep or
truck. You wouldn’t believe what the guys
have to say about that!
I’m back with my team and we’re kick-
ing ass all over the European continent,
and beyond. So far we’ve been to Belgium
and the Netherlands, into Germany, and
we even had a few missions in Egypt
against Rommel’s tank divisions. Boy do
those tankers have it easy! I know I’m not
trained as a tank operator, but I sure gave
it to those Krauts! I destroyed an entire
tank division by myself and that was when
I could barely reach the tank’s pedals
because of the doggone donut.
Killing Germans can get pretty monoto-
nous, but our killing has covered a wide
variety of terrain in this tour. Still, we’re
mostly running through bombed out towns,
clearing houses one by one. This tour, my
new Sarge lets us clear the houses in any
order; he’s much better than the hard-ass
that always forced us to do everything in aparticular order—no wonder
he got fragged!
Aside from this small
change in SOP (that’s stan-
dard operating procedure),
the combat is just like my
last tour. The Germans just
don’t have many surprises
left. I guess someone finally
invented a smoke grenade
that Uncle Sam can afford,
so we get to use those on
the battlefield now. They
come in real handy when try-
ing to flank a blazing MG42.
Probably the biggest
difference this time around
is how much more intense
everything feels and sounds
while we’re “in the sh*t,” so
to speak (sorry, Mom, but
that’s how we talk here).
Once the first round is fired, all
hell breaks loose. Now, I know I said
that about my first tour, but I really
mean it this time. Once the shooting
starts everything around us erupts.
We’re screaming at the Krauts, the
Krauts are screaming at us, people
are getting torn limb from limb and
screaming about that, and there
are explosions going off all around
us and gunfire rattling in our ears.
It’s enough to make a grown man
soil his skivvies.
So like I said, Mom and Dad,
this tour is a lot like the first one, but
this time the action seems extreme.
Sure, once in a while we’re doing
boring missions, and it gets tiring
continually clearing houses (and
why do all the houses have theexact same interiors?), but luckily there’s
enough “new” stuff for our squad to do on
this tour to make it fun. That said, I can’t
wait to come home. I won’t be re-enlist-
ing, that’s for sure. I figure if they try to
stop-loss me again I’ll just ask my CO to
the next USO ball.
—JOHNNY “JOSH NOREM” JOHNSONCall of Duty 2
Back in the saddle again
Mom and Dad: Here are the Germans, or “Krauts” as we call them. Our British pals call
them “Jerries.”In my second tour we no longer have to collect canteens
full of “health.” This time we just fight until our vision
gets all red, and then we have to take a break, otherwise
we pass out and have to start over.$50, http://www.callofduty2.com, ESRB: TCALL OF DUTY 2C-RATIONS
Visceral combat, decent
visuals, nonstop action, and
ragdoll physics.
9Not a lot of variety in missions;
too much like CoD1.Check out this German I killed. After I shot
him, his helmet came flying off, he dropped
his rifle, and got knocked back about 10 feet.
Suck it down, sausage eater!C-SECTIONS