The Legal Issues 113
Separation
The difference between divorce and a legal separation is that the legal separation
gives a husband time to hide his money.
—Johnny Carson
Many of my clients tend to instinctively head toward a legal sepa-
ration in the common situation where they have begun to expe-
rience some level of marital disharmony but aren’t quite ready
for a full divorce. This is an ambivalent period of mixed emo-
tions and half in/half out feelings. The legal grounds for sepa-
rations are similarly nonspecific—requiring only that the mar-
riage be “temporarily disrupted.” What you essentially have is a
temporary break, or hiatus, in the marital relationship. The court
will approve a statutory legal separation period (two years in
Hawai‘i) based upon documents that outline a separation agree-
ment. This situation can in turn sit in limbo for a couple of years.
At the end of this time, however, you must then generally go
ahead and finalize things one way or the other.
Is a “trial separation” a fresh start or the beginning of the end? A sur-
prisingly high percentage of clients come into my office initially
thinking they want a separation instead of a divorce. Perhaps
they haven’t quite got the heart to go ahead with a full divorce, or
maybe they think they should stop short of finalizing the divorce
for religious reasons, or “for the kids.” Unfortunately, however,
it has been my experience that these sorts of reasons do not really
prove to be viable rationales for foregoing divorce and relying
instead on the separation scenario.
The sad statistical reality is that, for most people, timid efforts
at trial separations generally backfire and instead become only a
prelude to divorce. A more workable approach is for couples to
separate if, and only if, they really believe they can actually (and
actively) save their marriage. In fact, my personal view is that a
separation is worth doing if, but only if, during that period the
couple is indeed actively working on a specific and viable plan
for the reconciliation of the marriage.
A real reconciliation is certainly a meritorious goal and worth
any price. Anything short of that, however (i.e., simply not having