om family
Apples of my eye
I have always adored my children. I absorbed them into my
life with passion and enthusiasm. I planned my career around
them so I could give them the time and love they needed. I
felt the responsibility of parenting and committed fully. Then
they grew up. People cautioned me that things change during
the teenage years. Let them go, they advised, and they will
come back when the storm has past. Well, I didn’t let them
go. We continued to eat meals together, share stories, and
support each other through hard times while laughing through
the good ones. And yet, I still felt them slipping away. At first I
fought it, but being the experimental conscious parent I am, I
finally managed to surrender.
One strange day
I was going about my chores, managing my life, and the house,
with my teenagers roaming in and out, when somewhere in
my thoughts, I noticed a slight dislike. I’ve had it before but
dismissed it. So this time, I took a moment to explore it. It felt
unfamiliar and a little dark and at first I couldn’t quite read it.
And then it landed, fully and clearly: in that very moment, I didn’t
like my children. I saw qualities I had sheltered myself from and
something inside me shifted. It was fleeting, passing by so fast
that I almost missed it, but it left me feeling strange and out
of sorts. I was raising these children consciously, how could I
possibly not like them?
Trust the process
Feeling a mixture of horror and relief, I started the process of
understanding what had happened, and came to the conclusion
that I must be bang on target in my parental milestones. I was
finally finding a way to let my children go which will help redefine
my life, in preparation for when they actually do leave. Not liking
them all the time was actually going to help. It’s exactly as it
should be. A perfect plot shift. They are their own people, not
mine to carve or create. They are entrusted to me to guide and
love unconditionally, regardless of whether likeable or not. Don’t
get me wrong, most of the time I am their biggest fan, but there
are other times when I look from a distance and shudder to
consider who they are becoming. But beyond their questionable
likeability, I am still growing two amazing humans, and take full
responsibility for that role. I guess it’s all part of the process,
and they don’t come with a ‘how to grow guide’ so often we are
in the dark, and need to find our own way. We move full circle,
there and back again, seeing their faults allows us to recognise
their perfection. My days as a parent stay full and bright as my
children keep me on my toes — and sometimes awake at night.
I’ve given myself permission to dislike them at times, but love
them all the same. Keep in your hearts the dream that we are
raising future leaders of this mysterious galaxy, a job that can in
no way be managed with ease. I pray that we continue to honour
who they choose to be, and gain support in the process through
our communities.
Siri Arti is the founder of Starchild Yoga, which runs teacher
trainings and workshops in the UK and overseas
(starchildyoga.org)