The biblical ideal, in the center column, is loving, humble head-
ship on the part of the husband, following Ephesians 5:23-33. The
biblical ideal on the part of the wife is joyful, intelligent submission
to and support of her husband’s leadership, in accordance with
Ephesians 5:22-24 and 31-33.
On the right side of the chart are the errors of aggressiveness,
which had their beginning in Genesis 3:16. The husband can become
selfish, harsh, and domineering, and can act like a tyrant. This is not
biblical headship but a tragic distortion of it. A wife can also demon-
strate errors of aggressiveness when she resists and continually strug-
gles against her husband’s leadership, not supporting it but fighting
against it and creating conflict every step of the way. She can become
a usurper, which is a tragic distortion of the biblical pattern of equal-
ity in the image of God.
On the left side of the chart are the opposite errors, the errors of
passivity. A husband can abdicate leadership and neglect his responsi-
bilities. The children are not disciplined, and he sits and watches tele-
vision and does nothing. The family is not going to church regularly
and he does nothing. The family keeps going further into debt and he
closes his eyes to it. Some relative or friend is verbally harassing his
wife and he is silent. This also is a tragic distortion of the biblical pat-
tern. He has become a “wimp.”
A wife can also commit errors of passivity. Rather than partici-
pating actively in family decisions, rather than contributing her
much needed wisdom and insight, her only response to every situ-
ation is, “Yes, dear, whatever you say.” She knows her husband and
her children are doing wrong and she says nothing. Or her husband
becomes verbally or physically abusive, and she never objects to
him, never seeks church discipline or civil governmental interven-
tion to bring an end to the abuse. Or she never really expresses her
own preferences with regard to friendships or family vacations, or
her own opinions regarding people or events. She thinks that this
is what is required in order to be “submissive” to her husband. But
this also is a tragic distortion of biblical patterns. She has become a
“doormat.”
46 BUILDINGSTRONGFAMILIES