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personality into, fully comprehending and being in-feeling with another” (p. 15).
Sympathy is feeling for a person, and it conveys a one-up/one-down relationship.
Empathy is feeling with, and it conveys a more equal, collaborative relationship.
Sympathy implies pity, while empathy implies trust: “I am saying to my client that
he or she is strong enough to solve problems, that I will not condescend pityingly,
and that our work together is not just hand holding” (Martin 2000 p. 9). Wispé
( 1986 ) asserts that sympathy is “...heightened awareness of another’s plight as
something to be alleviated, whereas empathy refers to the attempt of one self-aware
[individual] to understand the subjective experiences of another” (p. 314).
Glanzer ( 2006 ) stresses that “an essential prerequisite to empathy is a sense of
self...Empathy always involves differentiation of self and other. This is one reason
it is so important for the counselor to know him- or herself” (p. 125). Relatedly,
Neumann et al. ( 2009 ) note that “...when experiencing empathy, individuals are
able to disentangle themselves from others, whereas individuals experiencing sym-
pathy have difficulty maintaining a sense of whose feelings belong to whom”
(p. 340). They say a prerequisite for empathy “is that an individual should not be
overly preoccupied with himself and his own concerns, because, if the experience is
to a greater extent focused on the individual himself, then the willingness to help the
other person decreases” (p. 340). The authors further note research findings that
fear, anxiety, and distress reduce one’s ability to empathize.
In summary, empathy is not:
- Sorrow for a person, which is sympathy
- Concern/worry, which is anxiety
- Judgmental, which says you feel superior
- Critical, which is self-protection
- Reassurance, which is superficial
4.9.3 Is My Empathy Affected if I Have an Experience Like
My Patient?
There can be both advantages and disadvantages to having a similar experience to
your patient. It can be an advantage to have some firsthand experience of what it
might be like to be this person. Also, you may gain credibility with a patient who is
more likely to think you can really understand. It can be a disadvantage if you
impose your experience on a patient, rather than listening to how it is for her or him.
Additionally, the patient may not disclose as much information because she/he
assumes you know it by virtue of having had a similar experience. As we said ear-
lier, you can have empathy without having a similar experience. There is no need to
feel inadequate or apologetic for not having had a similar experience. If a patient
asks you whether you’ve had a similar experience, you might try responding matter-
of- factly, “No, I haven’t. I have worked with patients who have had similar situa-
tions, but I’d like to try to understand how it is for you” (of course, this response
4 Listening to Patients: Primary Empathy Skills