Woman’s Weekly New Zealand – September 02, 2019

I

missedtheiconicrom-com,

WhenHarryMetSally.

Apparentlyit’sbeen 30 years

sincethefilm,starringBilly

CrystalandMegRyan,debuted

onthebigscreenandignited

a furiousdebateaboutwhether

menandwomencouldreally

justbefriends.

I waswonderinghowthis

moviehadpassedmeby,given

itsplacein cinematichistory,

andthenI workedoutthat 30

yearsagoI wasa newmum

witha gorgeousbabyanda

partnerwhowasawayduring

theweekforwork.

Thereweren’tmanychances

togotothemoviesand,of

course,downloadingit wasn’t

anoptionbecausethiswasthe

agebeforehomecomputers

andsmartphones.

Mediaaroundtheworld

thougharerevisitingthe

premiseofWhenHarryMet

Sallyin honourofitsanniversary

andagainposingthequestion:

Canmenandwomenever

reallyjustbefriends?

Myansweris yes,absolutely!

I didn’tknowmuchabout

boysormenwhenI was

growingup.I wasata girls’

boardingschoolsoboyswere

a rareandexoticspecies.There

wasmybrother,buthewas

youngerandawayatboarding

schooltoo,soheandhisfriends

didn’treallycount.Andwhen

I wasfreetomakemyown

wayin theworldI foundmen

veryconfusingatfirst.

I had no idea how they

thoughtorhowtheyfeltor

whattheythoughtofme.

Butthen,tobefair,I wassti

tryingtofindmyselftoo.

I gotit sortedeventually

thoughandmadesome

lovelymalefriends– some

whoremaintothisday.

Berniewasthefirstman

whowasa mate.One

Christmas,everybodywas

pairedupexceptus,so

wetiki-touredaroundthe

Coromandel,stayingin a tent

together,in separatesleeping

bags,andthoroughlyenjoying

eachother’scompanyandthe

glorioussummer.

Peoplewereconfused.They

couldn’tgettheirheadsaround

thefactthatwewerea young,

attractivecouplewhoreally

enjoyedoneanotherbuthad

nointentionofeverbeing

romantic.Berniewasa hearty

heterosexual,aswasI, butthat

summerwedidn’tmeetanyone

weenjoyedmorethaneach

other.Wemovedon,andwhile

I wasbestmanathiswedding

we’venowsadlylosttouch.

Berniewasa realgemand

thetemplateforallmymale

friendships.TaketheBaby

MillionairewhoI’veknownfor

morethan 20 years.Everythree

orfourmonths,I’llgeta call

frommyoldmate.“Darling,”

he’llsay,“howlongwillit take

youtoputona prettydressand

somelipstickandjoinmefor

Champagne?”Andwiththat,

I’moff,zippingupmypretty

dress and applying lipstick in

theUberasI headofftoone

ofourfavouritehauntswitha

notetomyhusbandlettinghim

knowdinner’sin thefridge.

Wetalkforhoursandhave

nosecretsfromoneanother

• heis a dearandtrusted
  friendandI valuehimhighly.
  Myyoungermalefriendsare
  a godsendtoo.A combination
  ofyoungerbrothersandsage
  advisers,I trustthemwithmy
  life.I meetupwithGazand
  Mark,separately,probablyonce
  a monthandwhenweget
  togetherwetalkasthough
  it’sanOlympicsport.Theyoffer
  a perspectiveandworldview
  thatis completelydifferent
  tothatofmyfemalefriends.
  Myhusbandis understanding,
  asamI ofhisfemalefriends.
  Canmenandwomenbefriends
  withoutsexrearingitshead?In
  myworld,yes,definitely.Our
  friendsoftheoppositesexadd
  valuetoourlivesandwe’dbe
  all the poorer without them.

New Zealand Woman’s Weekly 77

BERNIE

HOW HEBECAMEHERTEMPLATE

FOR MALE FRIENDSHIPS

When

Kerre met

ThirtyyearsonfromSally

andHarry(MegandBilly),

the debate continues to rage.

shortBLONDE

KERRE McIVOR