SHOULDI GOORSTAY?
Relationshipexpert,MakabeloMotaung,offersquestionstoaskyourselfindecidingifbadsexisa deal-breaker.Whatareyournon-negotiables?Wheredoyouratesexonyourlistofpriorities?Ifitfeaturesnowhere,then
you’remostlikelyoneofthosepeoplewhowouldn’tmindbeingina relationshipwherethenookieisnotgood.
Howintouchareyouwithyoursexuality?Themoreintouchyouarewithyourwantsanddesires,themore
mediocresexwillaffectyou.Ifitishighonthelistofyourpriorities,thenobviouslya relationshipthatdoesn’tcater
foryoursexualneedswon’tworkforyou.
Whatisgoodsex?Doyouconsiderhavinganorgasmgoodsex,orisitbasedontheconnectionyouhavewith
thatperson?Communicationcansolvea lotofthings,includingbadintercourse.Alotofpeoplesettleforbadsex
notbecausetheycan’tbetaught,butbecausetheyarenotcommunicatingtheirsexualneeds.
Howtransparentareyou?Opennessiskey.Peopleneedtoinvestintheirphysicalrelationshipsbeforethingsget
toa levelwherethey’reunhappy.Badsexcanbefixed,badcommunicationcausesproblemsbetweencouples.but I could tell that this was probably the
worst sex I’ll ever have. He didn’t know
how to set the mood or interpret body
language. He rushed through everything,
not to mention that he had a huge penis!
So, I got out of that relationship running.
My second experience with bad sex was
in my recent relationship.I was a lot more experienced than the
person I was dating. I was only the second
woman he’d ever slept with. At first, I
thought this was a lie, but after having
sex with him, I figured that it might be
true. Most times, I’d be the one initiating
physical interaction — from hugging and
cuddling to kissing and sex. At first, it wasexciting because it was all new to me — I
was mostly used to being submissive
in the bedroom. But I got bored after a
while because I needed my mind to be
blown away for a change, without always
having to tell him what to do and how
to do it. Teaching becomes annoying,
especially when you have to do it every
single time. He also had a low sex drive,
which made me feel like a freak of sorts
for always wanting more.”Thami Makgabo*, 29, Chef
“Never! I would leave. Sex in a relationship
is really important to me. I love having
sex, so if it’s bad, then I’ll completely lose
interest in that person and my feelings for
them will disappear. I know this because,
for the longest time, I had a crush on
someone. We had known each other
for a long time, and never tried being in
a relationship. So, you can imagine my
excitement when we finally decided to
start seeing each other. He was handsome,
the conversations were great and the
chemistry even better. However, the
sex was shocking. How could someone
who looked that good and with whom I
had a great emotional connection not
know how to move in bed? I don’t want
to lie, I was so heartbroken by the fact
that the sex was bad. I felt cheated and
defeated all at once [chuckles]. I knew
that we could have created something
special, but I just could not bring myself
to stay for the bad sex! I moved on very
quickly from the relationship and I’m
completely over him now!" ■
*Not their real namesWWW.TRUELOVE.CO.ZA (^) |^2019 OCTOBER | (^89)
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