It’s bloody hard to confront everything you’ve grown up identifying with. And I think that’s
where real courage comes in. I do find that sometimes with my old mates, I can sense that
they don’t know how to be with me when I share. What’s safe is banter and talking about
stories from the weekend ’cause that’s what we do. That’s how we connect, right? And you
don’t want to bring the group down because you know guys don’t get together too much as it
is. So it’s courage to be able to hold that.We’re in an exciting time as a society in that
we’re seeing the feminine making a very
powerful rise. But because the feminine’s
making a rise doesn’t mean that masculinity
loses. If you look at the yin and the yang, which is what we’re all striving for, that beautiful
balance, it’s not one or the other. It’s actually the intersection. I bring my feminine
qualities to work every single day. They didn’t come naturally from my social conditioning
but chances are I was probably an exceptionally kind and emotional and sensitive boy.
Then I learned in order to survive in my social structure that I needed to act in a certain
way. And what we see is that we trade our authenticity for attachment. So as young children
we are authentic in some way shape or form, that then gets shut down for various reasons,
and so in order to survive, we go, “How do I behave in order to be with the group and get
attachment?” If you’re lucky enough to have an environment where you can cultivate your
self-awareness, then part of the journey is reclaiming the kid that got lost.Me too. And once you can do that, you recognise your past has nothing to do
with your future, that you can create your future to be whatever you want it to
be irrespective of your past experiences. And instead of the stories we’ve created in our
past running you, you can run that story. So to your point, I thinkThat said, there are days when I’m like, “Fuck, I need to hold this together and keep my mask
on and deal with this.” And it’s still a continued battle for me, you know, the next day to go,
“I know I’ve got emotion in me right now. And to get this out, that’s tough.” Then when you
open, it’s being able to sit in that. Some of these boys in our programs start opening up and
are like, “I feel free for the first time. But also this is so unfamiliar.”“And what do I do with this?” And it’s like, “Cool man, everything is okay, it’s
just a muscle that you learn to gain control over.” I also think the role of elders
is so important. For the sharing of experience and learning. Arne Rubinstein said to me once,
“The role of the elder is to create the space for the glorious mistakes of the young.” And I can
tell when I’ve been in the presence of the elders: I feel held. There’s a patience there.A generation of elders, yeah.And so let’s keep exploring what healthy masculinity looks
like. We hear a lot about toxic masculinity. What does the
masculine in its full thriving form look like in your opinion?Yeah, I really believe that.
“And what do I do with this?”
the characteristics of healthy masculinity are
characteristics of a flourishing human being.
They’re kind, thoughtful, generous, compassionate,can be strong, can be stoic. Can risk-take and be
bold, for positive action.
Actually that’s the work you’re doing.
You’re cultivating young people to be elders.90
HUNTER JOHNSON
DUMBO FEATHER