20 _
helpingtraumatizedpeoplefind
theirnewpath.“Findtheenemyin
yourself,”shetellsheraudience,“and
don’tgobacktothem.Takea lookat
yourlife,atwhatyou’reholdingonto
andatwhatyouwanttoletgo.”And
shealwaysaddsanothersentence
thatis crucialif youwanttobreak
freeofsomething:‘‘Willpoweris an
importantword”.
It canbea hugerelieftoletgo
ofwell-intentionedmessagesfrom
thepastthatarenolongerrelevant
orhelpfulin currenttimesand
circumstances.Butofcourseyoucan
alsoholdontofamilymottosif they
stillhavevalueforyou.Forme,‘Put
someeffortintoit’ and,‘Don’tlet
anyoneeverdullyoursparkle!’arestill
veryvaluablemessages.AndI’m
handingthemdowntomychildren.back of the car, and ask people you
like to join you for the ride. According
to Bouma, our job in life is to use what
we have been given as creatively as
possible. ‘To determine: Where is my
freedom?’ In the words of classical
Greek philosopher Socrates, as
recorded by his student Plato: ‘The
unexamined life is not worth living’.
American author Mary Karr totally
agrees with this bold statement. She
has written a number of books about
her own personal history, and has
been teaching the profession of
writing memoirs for 30 years. In The
Art of Memoir, Karr sums up why
it’s so important to know your own
history well. You can only free yourself
from certain things from the past if
you’ve examined them carefully, she
writes. And by that she doesn’t mean
that you get to pick out only the bits
you’re comfortable with, because then
you’re polishing ‘a fake person’. If
you don’t achieve closure with your
past—the painful things as well as the
good things—it can continue to pull at
you, without you being aware of it.
According to Karr, there’ll be ‘a lonely
gap between your disguise and who
you really are’. The good news is that
all the meticulous soul-searching
expeditions Karr has witnessed over
the years led to acceptance and relief,
no matter how painful the life histories
sometimes were. Karr believes that,
for those who suffer from the past,
looking back is the only thing that will
help the past recede into the past.WILLPOWERIS IMPORTANT
If webecomeawareofwhatdrives
usandwhatblocksus,willthatmean
wecanalsochangeit?If Hungarian
psychologistEdithEvaEgercandoit,
wecandoit, too.In herbookThe
Choiceshewritesabouthowshe
freedherselfofthetraumacausedby
theyearsshe,asa Jewishteenager,
wasimprisonedin Auschwitzduring
theSecondWorldWar.Whenshe
earnedherdegreein psychology
in theUS,shedidn’tgotothe
graduationceremony:shestillfeltso
muchsurvivalguiltandshamethat
shedidn’twanttocelebrateanything.
“TheNazididn’thaveanymorework
todo,becausebythenI had
internalizedtheNazi,”shesaysabout
thisin interviewsontelevisionandin
newspapers.Sincethen,in herwork
asa psychologist,shehasbeen‘TAKE A LOOK AT YOUR LIFE, AT
WHAT YOU’RE HOLDING ON TO AND
AT WHAT YOU WANT TO LET GO’TEXTANNEMIEK LECLAIREILLUSTRATIONSLOTTE DIRKSWANT TO READ MORE?
‘We Are Our Brains:A Neurobiography of
the Brain, fromthe Womb to Alzheimer’s’,
by Dick Swaab
‘The Art of Memoir’,by Mary Karr
‘The Choice: Embrace the Possible’, by Edith Eger