E.K. ASKS...
My son is a wonderful, kind young man with a great
job. Everything is going well, except since his recent
engagement, he has put on 50 pounds. My husband
and I worry a lot about his health. Diabetes and heart
disease run on both sides of the family. His partner
tries to cook healthy and exercise, and we try to
bring up the subject without criticizing. We even
gave him workout clothes for Christmas. He seems
interested but never takes action. How can we help
without seeming overbearing?Grown children present a unique challenge:
We love them as achingly as we did when
they were tiny, but their lives are no longer
ours to shape. So, while the known health
risks are worrying, all you can do is share
your family’s history with your wonderful,
successful son and leave him to make his
own best decisions. He’s aware of his weight,
and he probably knows how you feel about
it too. (Parental hints tend not to be as sub-
tle as we imagine, alas.) There is also research
to suggest that weight-related stigma or
shame is itself a significant health risk. So
leave the issue alone, and trust that the good
self-care habits you instilled in him—which
his partner appears to share—will help
protect your great kid, whatever his weight
or chosen indulgences.D.K. ASKS...
My husband’s former colleague and his wife just had
a baby, and they asked if we’d had our flu shots to
determine if we could come over to meet the baby.
Why do I feel so offended by this? Is it rude to ask this
of visitors? They didn’t share that the baby or mother
had any serious health risks. I am immunized for MMR
and all the rest, but I skip the annual flu shot because
I really hate needles. How do I even respond?
These parents’ anxiety is not about you—it’s
about keeping their baby safe. If you haven’t
had a newborn recently or ever, it can be
hard to grasp the upending worry new
parents experience. And, honestly, it’s rea-
sonable to worry about a baby getting the
flu. There’s a risk the infant could become
catastrophically ill. Your best bet, if you
can’t bring yourself to get the shot (though
doing so is a good move, for your health
and the health of those you’re in close quar-
ters with), might be to wait. “Send me pho-
tos!” you can say. Flu season will pass, and
your friends will bring the baby out into the
world. In the meantime, hold them in your
compassionate heart.HAVE AN ETIQUETTE QUESTION?
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