99SexILLUSTRATIONS
BY FLO PERRY. PHOTOGRAPH BY HANNAH EACHUS.
HOW TO HAVE FEMINIST
SEX: A FAIRLY GRAPHIC GUIDE(£16.99, PARTICULAR BOOKS)1DISCOVER
WHAT YOU
NEED FROM SEX
If you can make yourself come, you’re
gonna be a hell of a lot better at
teaching someone else to make you
come. A study by the Kinsey Institute
at Indiana University in the
US, revealed there’s still a large
gender orgasm gap: in heterosexual
relationships, men come around 85 per cent of the time they have
sex, while women only manage 65 per cent. As someone who’s
donea fair bit of field research with both genders, I think any theory
that tries to explain this by stating it’s harder to make a woman
come is total bullshit. In my experience, both genders have plenty
ofvariation when it comes to how ‘easily’ they orgasm. Men tend to
bemore practised and less ashamed about making themselves
come, and are more up for telling you how to do it.2MASTURBATE
TOGETHER
Masturbationdoesn’t have to be something
youdo alone. If you struggle to come with
a partner, or even if you don’t, making
yourself come with someone else can be
a seriously hot experience. Seeing someone
make themselves come is a great way of
learninghow to make them come. Men do it
all the time; it’s totally normal, even in
porn, for sex to end with a man wanking over
a woman. We should let go of the idea that if
your partner doesn’t make you come, the sex
hasbeen a failure. If you’ve both had a good
time, then it wasn’t a failure.3EXPLOREYOUR FANTASIES
We often wank about unrealistic, unachievable scenarios,
buthow those situations make you feel, and recreating those
emotions in your sex life is often key to having the best sex ever.
Gettingto know what you think about when you come is as
importantas being aware of how to physically make yourself
come. Sharing your fantasies with a partner is a great way for
them to know you better sexually.4CUREHANGOVERS
AND SLEEP BETTER
Wankingdoesn’t have to be something you only do
when you’re not getting laid. I don’t think it’s helpful
to think of masturbation as in competition with
partnered sex. It can be a totally different
experience. Masturbation doesn’t even need to be
particularly sexy – it’s a fantastic hangover cure, and
pretty much the best way to fall asleep. You don’t
even need to come from it; you can just take an
extra-long time washing your bits very carefully
with a showerhead and enjoy that sensation.
It can also be a real self-care event: take a whole
afternoon, use lube, porn and a couple
of pieces of equipment. Get to know
yourself and feel connected to your
body. And then have the nap
of your life afterwards.5QUITTHE GUILT
I’m struggling to think of anything else that is so
definitely free and not bad for your health in any way. In
fact, I’m pretty sure it’s good for your health because it
will de-stress you and make you happier. It doesn’t make
you less likely to come – in fact, you’re more likely to
because you know what you’re doing. If you feel
ashamed, guilty or shy about masturbating, try to let
those feelings go, and relearn that it
is an important part of a healthy
sex life. But, if you’re happy
living your life without
masturbation, I’m not
here to tell you that
you’re wrong. But I’m
a big fan of wanking...
and I want the whole
world to know.n