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email: [email protected]readersdigest.co.in 131Reader’s DigestDEAD MEN
TELL NO
BAD JOKES,
MATEY!19 September is
International Talk
Like a Pirate Day (yes,
apparently it’s a real
thing!). Here are
gags to tell as you’re
walking the plank:
)Do you know
what stinks about
a pirate ship?
The poop deck.)How much did
the pirate pay for his
peg and hook?
An arm and a leg.
)Why don’t pirates
take a shower before
they walk the plank?
They just wash up
on shore.
)How do you make
a pirate furious?
Take away the p.
)Have you heard about
the new pirate movie?
It’s rated AARRRRGH
because of all the booty!My dentist told me I need a crown.
I was like, I KNOW, RIGHT?
— @SwisherGirl24“The animals
are trained,” says
the wife. “And we
have a state-of-the-
art 55-foot motor
home that is equipped
with a large nursery.”
“How will you edu-
cate your child?”
“We’ve arranged
for a full-time tutor
to teach all the regu-
lar subjects, as well
as Mandarin and
computer program-
ming,” explains the
husband.
“And the nanny is
certified in paediatric
care, child welfare
and nutrition,” the
wife adds.
The social worker is
impressed. “Well, you
do seem perfect. What
age were you looking
to adopt?”
The husband says,
“It doesn’t really mat-
ter, as long as they fit
in the cannon.”
—planet proctorThe CEO of a large
corporation was
giving advice to
a junior executive.
“I was young, married
and out of work,” he
lectured. “I took the
last nickel I had and
bought an apple. I
polished it and sold
it for a dime. The next
day I bought two ap-
ples, polished them
and sold them for
10 cents each.”
“I see,” said the
junior executive.
“You kept reinvesting
your money and grew
a big business.”
“No,” said the CEO.
“Then my wife’s father
died and left me a
fortune.”
—jewel993.comlif
et
im
es
to
ck
/s
hu
tt
er
st
oc
k^
(pa
rr
ot
).^
ch
ri
sb
ri
gn
el
l/
sh
ut
te
rs
to
ck
(h
at
)