BELIEVE IT!
Yo u ’ ll n e ve r
Rebeccawith
husbandJon‘MAKE TIME
TO CONNECT’
Cate Mackenzie
a psychosexual
therapist couples
counsellor, says,
‘If you’ve got the
money, it could be
wonderful to live
apart. Domesticity is not ideal for
feeling sexual towards each other.
Separateness creates an erotic
charge, as it did when you first
dated, before you started grumbling
about dirty washing on the floor.
‘For most of us, though, living
apart when married isn’t financially
viable. Plus you miss out on all the
negotiations you have. Dividing
chores and making compromises
strengthens a relationship.
‘If you did live apart, you might
try to make your partner feel loved
by sending messages or sexting.
Why not do the same at home?
Make time to connect. Go for a walk
together or try a seven-second kiss
when you wake up.
‘When couples have children and
busy lives, they often feel they
don’t have time for sex. So try the
three-minute game, in which you
offer to do something sensual for
the other for three minutes.
‘Tease and flirt during the week.
That makes your partner feel good,
and that’s when they’re going to
want to have sex.’Day 6: Dirty dishes
REBECCA SAYS Sex is usually infrequent but
we’ve done it five times this week, including a
daytime liaison today. We followed Cate’s
advice and Jon tried to get fruity with me
while I was washing up, which wouldn’t
normally happen – even if it did I would rebuff
him. This time I promised him we would do it
half an hour later, which added anticipation.
JON SAYS This experiment has made me
realise that we need to be going out more
and doing things as a couple, not just as a
family. We cannot just put everything on hold
until we have more time when the children
have moved out or we’ve retired.Day5:Familyfun
REBECCASAYSAsit wasFather’s
Day,thekidsandI headedovertoJon’s
placeandmadebreakfastforhim.Then
theyspentthedaytogetherwhileI didmy
ownthing.Intheevening,weswapped
housessoI gottorelax.Theremayhave
beenmoresextsaswell.Beingapart
Day 7: Reunited
REBECCA SAYS It’s good to have
Jon home again. I missed him and
it’s been odd trying to organise home
stuff on my own. I don’t think
this could work long-term for
us. I’d miss having a proper
family under one roof, but I’m
glad we did this experiment.
It’s put the spark back into
our relationship.
JON SAYS Being apart
reminded me how much I fancy
my wife. We’ve let the drudgery
of running a home get in the
way, and this reminded me how
it was when we were dating. On
a practical level, it wouldn’t work
full-time – I was missing too
much. And who’d come to Becs’
rescue when she hears noises in
the house?‘We have
both been
up for more
romance’
has given me a boost in that area.
JON SAYS Before this week, our lives
were all about sorting the kids. Once they
went to bed, we would be too tired for
anything else. Having a time limit on
when we could see each other has made
us make the most of our time together, so
we have both been more up for romance.Getting
fruity while
washing up