L
ife has, thankfully, evolved from
the dodgy perms of decades
gone by, but are you holding on
to other bad habits from your
formative years? Often the sex you had
back then is similar to the experiences
you’re having now, which results in
you not being as satisfied as you
deserve to be in bed. ‘People develop
a pattern of sexual technique from
their first experiences in adolescence,’
says Lovehoney’s sex and relationship
expert Annabelle Knight. ‘It’s hard to
change these behaviours when you’ve
been doing them for years, but it’s
necessary if you’re making mistakes
that are having a negative impact on
your sexual happiness.’ Here’s how to
right those sexual wrongs...DID YOU
KNOW?
People living in Cambridge have
sex the most often in the UK, with
an average of 3.3 times a week,
while Leicester was the least-
satisfied city with only 1.7
encounters per week*.DID YOU
KNOW?
The average woman takes 13
minutes 25 seconds to orgasm –
woman on top works most often,
found a study by the Shripad
Hegde Kadave Institute of
Medical Sciences.You always put
him first
Red or white? Window or aisle?
Tracker or fixed? You can’t get
this far in life without knowing
(and saying!) what you prefer,
and that should be the
same when it comes
to your own sexual
pleasure. Yet, sadly,
that’s not often the
case. Instead, you put
others’ needs in front
of your own, so although
your partner may have
spent a decade thinking
your clitoris is somewhere it’s
not, you haven’t told him in an
unnecessary bid to spare his feelings.
This should stop. ‘Your own pleasure is
crucial,’ urges sex expert Clarissa Bloom.
‘Step out of the conventional role of
being the “pleaser” and take control in
the bedroom. That way, you can work
out the best position or the greatest way
to have a mind-blowing orgasm together.’You talk at
the wrong
time
Opening the lines of
communication in a relationship
is key to good sex, but pick your
moment. Post-sex, rather than pre-
sex, is the time for honest analysis.
‘The best thing a couple can do
in bed is talk to each other,’ says
Annabelle. ‘After-play is as important
as foreplay – sharing sweet
nothings and really communicating.’You waste
time being
self-conscious
No one looks like a
supermodel in real life. Not even an
actual supermodel. The good news is
men don’t tend to notice ‘flaws’ the way
woman do. So stop focusing on them.You expect
fireworks
every time
Just like life, not everything
will go to plan every single time
between the sheets. So don’t worry
about worrying about it. ‘It’s not entirely
helpful to focus on what is “wrong” and
“right” in bed – it’s too judgemental,’
says Annabelle. ‘For good sex, just
concentrate on what feels good for
both of you and talk, talk, talk! That
way, you will be having great sex far
more often than you were previously.
Remember: no couple has fireworks
every single time. We all enjoy sex at
70% capacity a lot of the time – and
that is perfectly fine.’You’re stuck
in the same
position
Think you know what you
like position-wise? Try something else- just in case your needs have changed
over the years without you realising.
‘Switching positions is vital if you don’t
want to get into a rut,’ says Annabelle.
‘Couples can all too easily end up
having “Groundhog Day sex” – same
time, position and place every week. Mix
it up – look up new sex positions on the
internet, write a description of each one
and put them in a jar. Take it in turns to
try out one of these new positions each
week by picking one of the notes.’
You’re still
faking it
Life can be hectic with
work, children, friends and
Netflix binges. But these everyday
stresses can mean sex is confined to
that spare moment on a Friday night
between Gogglebox and putting the
washing away. Going through the motions
can mean you’re not relaxed enough to
orgasm, or you don’t think you’ll achieve
one, so you fake it to get it over and
done with. You’re not alone – 72% of
Brits admit to it, with 16% saying it was
because the sex was going on too long,
found research by Woo Woo.
‘Faking tends to happen in
long-term relationships,’
says Annabelle. ‘Only
a third of woman can
orgasm through
intercourse alone- clearly a reason
why so many fake.
Experimenting with
more foreplay is a good
way of addressing this.’
‘Around half of
couples still
have sex most
commonly with
the lights off- often because
of female
insecurities about body
issues,’ says Annabelle.
‘It’s disappointing that this still goes on
because, really, we shouldn’t care! No
one’s body is perfect. Sex can be much
more fun with the lights on – try it once
in a while to switch up the pace. Seeing
exactly what’s going on can be a huge
turn on for both of you.’
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