Pick Me Up! Special – September 2019

IMAGES:

ALAMY

dilemmas

I

’vehiddenthefactI’mgayfrommymumallmylife.She’s

inher80’snowandI havea girlfriendshedoesn’tknow

about.ShethinksI shouldtellMum,butwhat’sthepoint?

What if she’s angry? Should I stay quiet?Liz, Norwich

Itsoundslikesexisa bigissue

inyourrelationship.I don’tthink

there’sanyharminmaking

himopenupwhenyoufeelso

concerned.If youhonestlydon’t

thinkthathe’llgo,thenit’stime

totakecontrol.Oncehehears

howdesperateyouareoverthe

situation,he’llhavetolisten.Even

if he’sannoyedatthestart, you

both can’t ignore it.

It doesn’tmatterhowlongyouhavekept

thissecret,youshouldn’thavetohide

whoyouare.It mightbesomethingthat

yourmumstrugglestounderstandat

first,butyouareherdaughterandyou

mustbehonest.It’spossibleshe’sbeen

waitingforyoutosaysomething.Give

hera chance– youdon’twantherto

judge you, but that’s what you’re doing.

It’sprettyunfairtotrickany

oneintosomethingtheymight

notwanttodo.Thinkhowyou

wouldfeelaboutit.If youhaven’t

mentionedit tohimbefore,how

doesheevenknowthere’sa

problemtofix?Behonest– write

a letterif youstruggletotalk

aboutit.Lethimknowthatit’s

affectingyourmarriage and set a

time to discuss it.

PickMeUp!

readerJuliafrom

Southampton says:

eadingUKConfidenceCoach& HumanBehaviourExpertandauthor

ofFlyingForBeginners:A ProvenSystemforLastingSelf-Confidence

(Amazon)Jo Emerson(www.jo-emerson.com) answers your questions.

PickMeUp!

readerTracey

YES from Hull says:

Theremustbea reasonwhyyouhave

keptthisa secretforsolong.Perhaps

youknowit’ssomethingyourmumwon’t

accept– whichI’mnotsayingisright.

Butthere’sa chancethatatherage,it

mightbedifficultforhertochangeher

ways.If youreallydon’tseethepoint

inupsettingthings,then maybe keep

things as they are.

PickMeUp!reader

Wendyfrom

YES Birmingham says:

NO

PickMeUp!reader

Marthafrom

NO Weybridge says:

M

y husbandandI don’thavesex.WhenI makea move,hemakes

excuses.We’veneverbeengreatat talkingaboutit.ShouldI book

usinwithcounsellorandtrick him into coming? I don’t think he’d

come otherwise.Helen, Wigan Youabsolutelydoneed

totalkaboutthiswith

himbutyouabsolutely

shouldnottrickhim

intoseeinga counsellor.

Therapyisbasedontrust,

soit simplywon’tworkif he

startsfroma placeoftrickery.

I thinkyoushouldtellhimthisis

upsettingyouandthatyouneedtotalkaboutwhat’s

goingon. Therecouldbea hundredreasonsforhis

lackofinterestfromerectileproblems- toa lossof

confidence- tothepossibilitythathe’sunhappyinyour

marriage.Whateverit isyouhavetotalktohimand

explainthatyourrelationshipisonthelineif hedoesn’t.

If hestillrefuses,I wouldthinkveryseriouslyabout

whether a sexless marriage is what you want long term.

Itbreaksmyheartthat

peopleintheLGBTQ

communitystillhavetoface

theseagonisingdecisions

becauseyouhavenothing

tobeashamedofandyour

mumhasnothingtobe

angryabout. IfI wasyour

mumI’dwanttoknowthe

truthaboutwhoyouareand

what/whomakesyouhappy.

PleasereadTheProphet

KahlilGibran’spoemOn

Children- init heisvery

clearthatit isnota parent’s

jobtotella childwhotobe

orhowtolive. Ratherit’sa

parent’sjobtonurturewhat

isalreadyinsidethatchild.

Tellyourmumandlether

meetthiswomanwholoves

you.Inthefuture,youmight

regret not being honest.

JO SAYS:

Can I trick him into talking about se

JO SAYS:

Is it best just to

keep it a secret?

Stalemate

Keep hiding?