Essence USA – August 2019

adviser. Maintaining my sanity was
challenging some days, but with my
counselor’s help and the support of
my family, I made it. We all go through
tough times, and it’s okay to say, You
know, I just need something different. No
disrespect to your partner or your ex,
but you might just have to recognize
that you’re going in different direc-
tions. I had to put the picture-
perfect fantasy aside so that I could
focus on finding the right life, the right
relationship and the right kind of

happiness—for me. That’s been a
huge shift for me, but I’m staying true
to what Zuri and I need.
Right now co-parenting is what’s
important to my ex and me. We may
no longer be together, but we’d like
to make sure that the respect is still
there. Zuri needs to have a strong and
healthy relationship with her father. It
was important for us to continue in
counseling to help us co-parent in
the most positive way we can. You
have to do whatever works for
you and your family, and that’s what
I’m trying to do—what we’re try-
ing to do.
Our ultimate goal is to make sure
Zuri is safe and happy and has a
strong relationship with both of her
parents. As a Black girl, she needs

her dad in her life to show her affec-

tion and love. Her grandfather, too,

teaches Zuri how she should be

treated and adored. When she

grows up and starts dating, she will

remember what it feels like to be

well loved. It takes a village. If you

are sharing parenting duties, I encour-

age you to find the common

thread—which is your children—and

put aside your issues, your unhappi-

ness, your anger from the past.

I’m not going to lie. There are

good days and bad days, but one

thing I know for sure is that I’m

doing my best. God has really

blessed me. Even when I didn’t see

it, He was blessing me. I now see

that when I thought I was losing

something, God was just opening

up a door for something new and

better to come into my life.

When Zuri was just a few weeks

old, I remember singing “This Little

Light of Mine” to get me through

some of the roughest days. As some

of you know, I grew up singing in

church, and something about that

classic hymn always calmed my spirit. It

reminded me that we all have a light

inside us that’s meant to shine, and

thankfully, I’ve passed that light on to

my daughter. In the words of my girl

India.Arie, “I am light.” I am also

beautiful, special, quirky, ambitious,

happy and made to be great. Never

again will I dim my light for anything

or anyone. That is the lesson I want

to pass on to my daughter, so I must

lead by example.

Being a single mother doesn’t

have to mean you’re unhappy: I

bought my first home a few years

ago, I star on Power and I’m dating

again. I didn’t get married, and I

don’t have a fairy-tale love story

(yet), but I’m stronger than ever and

having fun too. With everything I’ve

been through in my life—like not

working for a few years, being

kicked out of a girl singing group

[3LW] and experiencing heartbreak

in love—the biggest lesson I’ve

learned is patience. That’s what it

took for me to get to this point, and

I’ll need it to keep growing as a

woman, a mother and a future wife.

I’ve also learned what I will and

will not accept. I won’t just jump

into a relationship because I may

feel lonely or want companionship.

Ladies, it’s so important to seek

your own happiness first, then,

when the time is right, get into a

relationship that nurtures you. Be

patient, sis. It will come to you.

And you deserve it.

With all my love,

Naturi

I had to put the

fantasy aside

so I could find

the right kind of

happiness

—for me.”

ESSENCE.COM I 143 I SEPTEMBER 2019